Best Friends Make The Best Lover's
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: One night changes Meredith's life, and a valued friendship forever. While she longs for something more, he doesn't. Or does he? Find out in this tale of lust, lies, and friendship. Meredith/Mark, some Mer/Der, some Alex/Izzie friendship. Mature Content
1. Chapter 1

-1**Shock and Awe**

"I need to get laid."

The words had slipped past Meredith Grey's strawberry glossed lips before she could stop them. No matter. Most of the Sunday football crowd had left, half exalting the triumph of their team, half sulking over a loss. Only a hand full of regulars were left, most of which were busy discussing the game, and her twin dickheads. She had known the dickheads since her freshman, and only, year of college. The pair were use to her some times crude outbursts.

Dickhead one, better known to the world as Mark Sloan, twisted her long, honey blonde ponytail around his wrist. The front of his body pressed against her back, shoving her small form forward. She gripped the edge of the bar, heart pounding, panties dampening when his mouth hovered near her ear. "Please don't do anything stupid," he whispered. She twisted her head around, scowling. He winked one smoky blue eye before moving away from her.

"What he's trying to say, and not very well," Dickhead two, aka Derek Shepherd, said from his perch at the other end of the bar, "is that you don't just get laid. You let all your girly hormones get mixed in with your over zealous emotions. Your one night stands always become a mockery of a relationship with a loser who isn't good enough for you. Which puts Mark and I in a really difficult position."

Curving the slender fingers of one hand around the middle of a half full bottle of tequila and reaching for a shot glass with the other, Meredith rolled her eyes. "Okay, first of all, I don't let my emotions become involved when I'm having sex." A scowl darkens her face when both men laugh. "Shut up. I don't. And secondly, I have never asked either one of you to run a boyfriend off, thank you very much."

"'Oh Mark, I can't get Jason to leave me alone. He's stalking me.'" There was no mistaking the high pitched whine in Mark's voice. It was to similar to the one she used when things were not going her way. Balling up her tiny fist, Meredith rears her arm back, socking him in the gut. Her knuckles connected with solid washboard abs. To her dismay, and disgust, Mark did little more than chuckle. "

"Let's not forget this one… 'But Derek…he won't stop calling me. Why won't he stop calling me?' Or…my personal favorite… 'Why does this always happen to me?'" If it was possible Derek's version of her whine was more effective than Mark's. It was hideous. A lesser woman would have been embarrassed. Meredith wasn't other women though. Oh no, she was Meredith and she could take a few barbs from well meaning friends. Especially when said friends were both sexy as hell. Derek with his black waves and piercing blue gaze. Mark with his sun kissed locks and smoky blue eyes. To bad their off limits, she thought. Both men were definitely her type. Or would have been if they weren't her friends…her Dickheads.

"I'm not that bad," Meredith defended. She lifted the brimming shot glass to slightly parted lips. Bracing herself, she tilts her head back, letting the hot liquid glide down her throat. It burned like fire, settling between her legs in a delicious pool of heat. What she wouldn't give for a different sort of heat to burn that same spot. Six months was entirely to long to go without hot, sweaty sex.

"You are that bad," Derek assured her. He closed one crystalline blue eye in a slow wink that sent a wave of butterflies prancing through her stomach. His lean body slid from the bar, his feet hitting the ground with a soft thump. Her belly did another somersault as he drew closer, the musky scent of his cologne assailing her gently flaring nostrils. "You are a bad girl, Mere, and you know it." He stopped an inch from her, the hard planes of his body fitting almost perfectly with her soft curves.

"A very hot bad girl," Mark whispered, pressing his body against her back once more. Moisture, hot and needy, gathered in the apex of her thighs. Her body throbbed with need. "Do you know what happens to hot bad girls?" Her heart drummed triple time, her breathing quickening to little pants as his large hands settled on her hips, drawing her closer. She couldn't resist wiggling herself closer still, a smirk tilting her lips when she felt the hard length of his cock.

"Why don't you tell me," Meredith purred. She knew the game they were playing. It was something they played often. A testing of how far they were each willing to go. She lifted her left foot, letting the Zebra print ballet flat she had worn fall to the floor, rubbed her foot up the front of Derek's leg. Her body fell back against Mark's as her foot slid higher, higher still, her toes stopping within inches of the bulge in Derek's pants.

"They get cooled off," Derek said softly. It was then that she noticed the glass of water in his hand. Iced water. Her green eyes widen, her mouth opens in silent no. She lunged to the left, not quick enough, frigid water coating the front of her.

"You mother fucker," Meredith hissed. Her fingers plucked at the damp material of her white fitted t shirt. The peach silk of her bra shown through, as did the hard pebbles her nipples had become. She reached for the hem of the soaked top, gripped it in her fists. She arched her back slowly towards Mark, dragging the sodden material over her head. She could feel Derek's hot gaze riveted on the swell of her breasts. Letting the shirt dangle from her finger tips, she moved towards him, brushing her damp breasts across his shirt. Puckering her lips she blew him a kiss before turning to Mark. "Here, traitor, you can have this dried."

Mark's hand flashed out to grab the bit of wet cotton before it hit the some what sticky floor. "I'm a traitor?"

Meredith nods. "Mmhm." Goose pimples pricked her flesh as a blast of cold air gushed out of the vent above her. "You let Dick head number two throw water on me." She shivered, rubbing her bare arms. There was an extra shirt in the office that she kept in case of emergency. If this didn't constitute as an emergency she didn't know what did.

"When are you going to stop calling us Dickhead One and Dickhead two?" Derek asked. Somehow, without her noticing, he had removed the pale yellow button up shirt he had worn. He draped it around her shoulders, his hands lingering a bit longer than necessary. She raised her chin, daring him to slide his hands lower. He wanted to. She could see it in his eyes. He wouldn't though. Derek was nothing, if not a gentleman.

"When you stop acting like dickheads." Meredith answered. She snuggled into the still warm shirt, tying the tails at her mid-drift. "Seriously. You two need to grow up."

"And you need to get laid," Mark teased. The man had no idea how right he was. She needed to get laid. She needed for some man…any man…to spread her legs and shove his cock, preferably a long, thick one, inside her wet and willing cunt. Oh yes, that is was she needed.

She can't help but let her gaze drop the hardness swelling the front of Mark's pants. He would be a fantastic lover. Correction. He was a fantastic lover. Not that she had any first hand experience, but women talked. Mark's women talked. And they all purred like kittens when it came to dishing out the goods on her best pal. Of course, Derek's women did almost the exact same thing. The few women he brought around, at any rate.

"More than you know," Meredith sighed. God, she really did need to get fucked if she was having crazy cock thoughts about the Dickheads. It was one thing to play around, to engage them in sexual banter and a few innuendos. It was another thing to think about the size of their cocks and wonder if the rumors about their love making skills were true.

"You know, we could help you out in that department," Mark wiggled his eyebrows. A lump formed in Meredith's throat. He was only kidding. She knew that. She almost wished he wasn't.

"You're insane." Derek shook his head. A dark lock fell across his brow. The fingers he lifted to brush it aside shook a bit. "He doesn't mean it Mere. Ignore him."

Meredith wanted nothing better than to ignore him. She couldn't though. Not with her mind conjuring up images of Mark, then Derek, thrusting himself into her. It was sick, this new fixation she had on her friends. "I usually do. Ignore him that is." The words didn't come out as flippant as she had hoped.

Mark stared at her for a moment. An understanding came into his blue-gray eyes. "It's not insane if you think about it. We know her. We know what she likes. What she doesn't like." True. Very true. She had bitched on more than one occasion about some loser who hadn't pushed the right buttons. "Who better to scratch her itch."

"You're forgetting one thing…she gets attached." Derek ground out from between gritted teeth. His whole body was tense. Meredith could almost feel his muscles coiling up.

"Which is why she won't know which one of us it is," Mark said proudly. He crossed his arms over the dark gray t-shirt he wore. The thin cotton material practically strained over his muscles.

"Now I know you've really lost it. This is Meredith we're talking about here, Mark. Meredith." Derek shook his head again. Disgust was written across his face.

"Are you saying you've never thought about me in that way?" Meredith cocked her head to one side. "Because I've thought it. I've thought about what it would be like to feel your naked body pressed against mine." She couldn't resist. She lifted one hand, splaying it across her breasts. She trailed one finger into the valley of her cleavage.

"You have?" Derek stared at her. She nodded, dipping her finger lower. "You've thought about…us…you and me…like…that?"

"Mmhm. I've thought about it. About us. I've thought about…" She looked to Mark, smirking, "us as well. The problem is…I can't ever make up my mind which one of you I would rather get naked with the most." Her heart started pounding in earnest. She was crossing a line, one that she wouldn't be able cross back over. It should have scared her. It didn't. She trusted these two men more than she had ever trusted anyone in her entire twenty-six years.

"I think we're more than capable of making it up for you," Mark murmured.. "How about you leave the door unlocked tonight? Maybe forget to put anything on after your shower?"

"This isn't funny anymore, Mark," Derek bit out. It if was at all possible his body had tensed up even more. "We're friends. You. Me. Meredith. We don't need to screw that up by…just stop, okay?"

Meredith laid a hand on Derek's rigid forearm. "Relax. Nobody going to mess our friendship up. Mark and I will stop teasing. Right?" She glanced over her shoulder, imploring Mark to agree. It took a moment but the other man finally grunted his consensus on the matter. "There. See. We're done joking around. Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to find something that is dry, and fits."

She hurried through the swinging door that led to the stock room behind the bar. She didn't stop until she reached the small office at the back. There she found the extra shirt. Her hands shook as she replaced Derek's shirt with the black fitted t shirt that had a white Playboy Bunny emblazed across the front of it. She tugged it on, then took a few minutes to compose herself. Derek had been right. It was one thing to joke about screwing each other, it was another to act on it.

"I really need to just go out, find some stranger, and fuck them till I am blue in the face," Meredith muttered, exiting the office. The ache between her legs was starting to cloud her judgment. Derek and Mark? Celibacy was doing ugly things to her. She lifted her hand to push the swinging door open. Instead of wood her palm came in contact with a thick envelope. Frowning, she tugged it free of the tack holding it to the door. A note written in undistinguishable block letters and a black bandana were inside. "Leave the door unlocked. Wear nothing but this."

A smile curved her lips. So, she wasn't the only one who wanted to cross the line…


	2. Chapter 2

-1**This update is being dedicated to Lauren, Deirdre, Amy, and Jody. The three of you always know how to keep me motivated when I am feeling less than adequate or down. **

Adrenaline pumped through Meredith's body as she stood naked before the full length mirror on the back of her bathroom door. Fingers that trembled slightly moved up the front of her body, pausing when they reach her breasts. Cupping each globe in her hands, she frowned. She had never given much thought to her lack of a chest, until now. The men she had been with in the past hadn't mattered, they had just been a means to the end. Oh sure, she had stupidly hung onto a few, but never more than six months. Tonight the man…whichever one he might be…was someone whose opinion mattered a great deal to her.

_I should just call it off. Leave a note on the door saying thanks, but no thanks, _she thought with a grimace. She let her hands fall to her sides, her fingers drumming against her bare thigh. She wouldn't call it off. She couldn't call it off. This was something she had to do. Something she would regret if she didn't.

Her body jumped as the front door knob jiggles. She swallows, licking her lips. On legs that feel like rubber she hurried from the bathroom. It was past time to worry about how she looked naked. It was past time for any regrets. With shaking hands, she grabbed the blindfold from the hallway side table, raising it to her face. She had barely tied it when the door opened.

The note had been written in a moment of haste. Meredith's admission to being attracted him had given him a false sense of bravery. The bravery was slowly starting to dwindle, leaving him with an acidic taste in his mouth.

He had slept with his fair share of women, perhaps more than his fair share, but Meredith was different. She was Meredith. The woman he had been in love with since meeting her in that dingy college coffee house. Timing had never been right, though. Something always stepped between him and telling her how that she owned his heart.

Letting out air he hadn't known he was holding in, he turns the knob to her front door. It was unlocked. He shouldn't have been surprised, except he was. Surprised and a bit afraid. Both evaporate when he opens the door to find her standing in the hallway, wearing nothing but the blindfold he had requested. God, she was beautiful. Her golden streaked hair hanging in loose waves around her creamy shoulders. Small breasts, just the right size, with pink nipples that begged to be kissed; long, slender legs that were perfect for wrapping around a man's waist.

His heart pounded as he moved towards her, his fingers flexing and un-flexing. He needed to touch her, needed to run his hands over every curve. Before he even reached her his hands were lifting, readying themselves to explore a terrain they had longed to explore for years.

"Hello?"

Her voice shook a bit, as though she was afraid. The rapid rising and falling of her chest told him that she was. She jerked when he ran the tip of one finger along her cheek. "I'm here," he said softly, making sure his voice didn't come over a gruff whisper. He couldn't do this if she knew who he was.

The voice could have belonged to either Derek or Mark. Meredith had never had an opportunity to hear either man speak in the tone the man before her was using. She inhaled deeply, disappointed when only the generic smell of soap filled her nostrils. He had taken great care to preserve his identity from her.

"I think we should…" His finger trailing across her lips, cutting of the rest of her sentence. She hadn't been about to ask who he was, there was something exciting about not knowing. No, she had simply wanted to say they should move to the bedroom, where it was warmer.

"No talking," he murmured in her ear. A second later his tongue traced the sensitive skin at the base of her neck where her pulse point was. The flick of the moist, wet skin against her neck sends shiver down her spine. She let her head fall back, raising her hands up. She settled her palms against his chest, sliding them slowly up his hard, muscular chest. Her fingers found his face, trailing them across his features. She felt nothing that would reveal his identity.

She gasped when he caught her wrists in a steely grip. Her feet stumbled backwards, her lower back colliding with the same table from which she had retrieved the blind fold. His large hands grip her hips, lifting her slight form until her bottom is perched precariously on the edge of the narrow mahogany table. Her fingers curl around the curved ledge, leaning her upper body back, her head resting against the wall. He moved his hands from her hips to her inner thighs, the pads of his thumb grazing along the soft, pink lips of her most intimate flesh. Her heart rate accelerated when he wedges himself between her dangling legs, forcing them further apart.

"Oh God," she whispered as his hot breath caressed her dampening slit. A small squeak escaped her lips when the tip of his tongue flicked against her portal. He twirled his tongue around her swollen and aching clit. He drew the small bud between his lips, twirling and nipping until she thought she couldn't stand it anymore. She almost cried out in protest when he drew his mouth away.

"Don't stop," Meredith pleaded. The masculine chuckle that filled the hallway almost gave him away. Damn it. Why hadn't she paid better attention to their laughs? She didn't dwell on those thoughts for long for his long, thick fingers were probing at her entrance, parting her flesh, dipping into the wetness. His mouth grazed across her's, she can taste herself upon them. It should have repulsed her, instead it stoked the fire burning in her belly from a small flame into an out of control blaze that threatened to consume her.

He removed his fingers, replacing them with the tip of his penis. Her breath catches in her breath. Without looking, or feeling, she couldn't be sure, but he felt much larger than any other man she had been with. Her thought was confirmed when he inched into her, pausing each time to let her adjust to his size.

A pleasurable pain burns in her lower body as she took even more of him inside her. She let's out a breath she hadn't known she was holding when he withdrew. As much as she wanted this she wasn't sure she could handle him. Her body relaxed, only to tense up again when he starts to enter her again. This time there is no easing, no slowness. He fully sheaths himself in her body, buried to the hilt.

Meredith trembled violently, her nails digging into his shoulders. She cried out when he repeated the motion. Withdrawal, tease, then fully entering her. Slowly, her body adjusts to his size, relishing in the fullness that filled her to the core. It didn't take long for them to find a rhythm that was their own, their bodies meeting in perfection harmony.

They had moved to the bedroom almost an hour ago. He lay next to her, staring down at her sleeping form. She was pure perfection. Every inch of her body was like a work of art that had been created just for this, just for him. He had worried at first, she was tiny compared to him. Size didn't matter in the end though. In the end, they were perfectly matched.

Perfectly matched. His gut twisted. Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to fit him so perfectly? They could never be. Neither of them were capable of staying in a relationship, and he wouldn't risk their friendship.

Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her temple. "I love you," he whispered, untying the blindfold from her face before slipping out of the bed. She didn't move, her body still lax with satisfaction and sleep. It was better this way, he told himself as he dressed. He kept repeating it as he let himself out of her apartment.

Meredith awoke with a start. Her fingers fly to her face. The blindfold was gone. She found it folded on her night stand. She wrapped it around her fingers, blinking back tears. They had said it was only going to be the one night, except she needed more. It had been more than physical, he had touched her soul, made her believe that there was such a thing as a soul mate. And he was her's….


	3. Chapter 3

-1**Author's Note: Sorry that it has taken me so long to get this update to you. I know where I want this story to go, I am just not certain how to get it there. I made some promises at the beginning that might not be kept. I am so sorry about that. As most of you know, since you write yourself, stories sometimes don't go the way you planned. **

Meredith scan the dimly lit interior of The Hot Zone with nervous green eyes. Almost every single table was full, and there was no vacant stool along the bar. Several of the regular patrons nod in her direction. She returned the favor with a tight lipped smile. Tugging on the hem of the red strapless top she wore, she inched her way further into the bar. She felt like there was a sign on her forehead that said she had fucked one of her best friends but had no clue which one it was.

"What is going on with you?" Her head automatically turned in the direction the accusation had come. Izzie Stevens, another of the bar tenders who moonlit as a waitress when it was called for, stood next to her, arms crossed over her chest. As usual, Izzie looked more sex pot than bar tender. Perfect blonde waves around a face that was movie star beautiful, sun kissed skin that had a glow about it, and a figure that had most of their patrons drooling all over themselves, Izzie was the girl other women hated. If she wasn't so sweet Meredith would hate her herself. "I called you three times today. Straight to voice mail."

"Sorry," Meredith apologized weakly. She twisted a lock of dark blonde hair around her index finger, her eyes still scanning the bar. Neither of her best friends were in sight. "Where's Mark and Derek?"

"Hell if I know! Neither one of them showed up. Which is why I was calling you!" Izzie snapped. Meredith blinked. It wasn't like Izzie to have such an attitude, nor was it like Mark and Derek to just not show up. "Okay, so technically that is why I called you the second and third time. The first time was because George proposed."

Shaking her head, Meredith held up one hand. "Wait. What?" George was Izzie seldom spoken of boyfriend. The unknown suitor was finishing school in New York while Izzie finished in Washington. On occasion Izzie would request time off to fly out for a visit. Every once in while a curly haired fellow with little boy blue eyes would come by and introduce himself as George, as though he had never met any of them before. Sadly, the re-introduction was always needed for none of them could ever remember the unremarkable young man.

"George proposed." Annoyance rung in Izzie's tone. "I still can't believe he did that to me. I don't graduate for another two years. Getting engaged right now is not part of the plan. I've told him over and over again not to even think about marriage until after I've graduated." Izzie's plan was a constant joke between Derek, Mark, and Meredith. The girl thought she could map out every square inch of her life. Amazingly enough, so far every thing had gone according to plan. The twenty-two year old refused to sleep with her boyfriend, despite their being together since the tenth grade, for fear she would get pregnant, and she religiously put all her tips into a savings account just in case. The virgin, penny pinching bar tender, Mark liked to call her. Izzie would always bite back with try living in a trailer park and having no money with a mom who was only fourteen years older than you. "And I have no clue where Mark or Derek is. I called and called, and all it did was ring. So, I know their phones aren't off, they're just not answering."

"Whose not answering?" Derek's cheerful voice asked. He seemed to appear from no where, his lips tilted up in a small smile. "If you're referring to me, I left my phone at home. Quite by accident, I assure you." There was a tenseness about him. One that had Meredith studying him with new interest. He was hiding something, and that something had him on the cagey side. He caught her staring, his smile slipping just a bit. Her heart lurched. It was him. She had known all along that it had to be. Mark wasn't capable of the tender caresses and whispering gentle words of love. Derek on the other hand… "Why are you staring at me?"

A flush crept up her cheeks. "No reason," she answered. Last night wasn't something they could discuss in front of Izzie. It was too special, too intimate. It was their's and their's alone. "Sorry. We should…" She gestured toward the bar, where several impatient men waited for their drink orders to be taken.

"Where's Mark?" Izzie glanced around, as though she expected the other missing man to appear. The three of them moved towards the bar while Derek gave some off handed explanation about Mark's half-brother, a twenty-three year old frat boy named Alex that they had never met, getting arrested for indecent exposure and Mark having to go bail the kid out. This led into reminiscing their college days, with Izzie shaking her head. Before long all stories had to be set aside as the bar filled to capacity.

Seven hours later, Meredith wiped the counter down, grimacing at the fumes coming up from the liquor soaked bar. It always amazed her how much alcohol drunks wasted. "I'm outie," Izzie said from behind her. She nodded. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Yeah." She made a mental note to do just that. It had been a while since she had taken the time to call the other woman, and even longer since they had gone to lunch. "Why don't we plan on meeting for lunch?" She glanced over her shoulder.

"Sure," Izzie nodded. "You can help me plot on how to let George down easy. I swear, I don't know what has gotten into him." Meredith wanted to come back with it wasn't what had gotten into him, but what he hadn't been in, and that was a pussy. She kept her mouth shut though. Sometimes Izzie was up for crude humor, sometimes she wasn't. Meredith would lay odds that tonight she wouldn't be.

"Absolutely," Meredith forced herself to paste a bright smile on her smile. When Izzie left she would confront Derek. Under normal circumstances she would let it go. These were not normal circumstances though. She watched as Izzie trooped out the front door, her hair bouncing around her shoulders. Once she was certain the other woman was gone, she dropped her rag and went to the back where she knew Derek would be tallying that night's total. "Derek?"

He looked up from the laptop he was entering numbers into. "Hm?" He looked back down, a slight flush to his cheeks. She had been right. It was him. "Did you need something?"

She took a deep breath. It was now or never. Once Mark returned they wouldn't have time alone. "I do, actually. I…I…I need you." She crossed the room with purposeful strides and caught his face in her small hands. She covered his mouth with her own. She teased his mouth open with the tip of her tongue, a thrill racing through her body when she felt his brush against her's. If it felt a little off, she didn't dwell on it for long. His hands slid up her bare legs, under the short denim skirt she had worn. A liquid heat was already pooling between her legs before she felt the tips of his fingers grazing across her cotton covered womanhood. Two of his fingers move the crotch of her panties aside. She let out a small yelp when he went right for the gold, inserting them into her more than willing body. Still, something felt a little off, and again she brushed it aside. The anonymity of last night was what had made it so erotic, she told herself, reaching for the buckle on his pants. He moved her hands aside, electing to free himself.

Heart pounding out of uncertainty and excitement, Meredith broke free of the kiss, shimmied out of her underwear, and then scooted her body onto the edge of the desk. She leaned back on her forearms, legs dangling while Derek knelt over her. She frowned slightly when she felt the tip of his penis nudging against the slick folds of her portal. Where was the foreplay?

She closed her eyes as he slid fully into her wetness. He didn't feel as large as he had last night. Her stomach started churning, a bitter taste filling her mouth, as he pumped in and out of her. It hadn't been Derek.

"On my desk?"

Her eyes flew open, tears streaming down her cheeks when she found an ashen faced mark standing in the doorway. She didn't know how long he had been there, not that it mattered. He had seen. She closed her legs, as well as her eyes, when Derek moved away.

"She came on to me," Derek blurted out. She struggled into a sitting position, her body still trembling. How could she have been so wrong? She had been so certain Mark wasn't capable of the emotion the man last night had shown her. "I was sitting back here, working…and she just…"

"I thought…" Meredith started, then stopped when Mark shook his head, his body turning to exit the room. She slid off the desk, her shoes making a smacking sound as they hit the floor.

"I don't want to hear anything either one of you have to say. Just…clean up my desk. I don't want to someone else's cum all day." Mark walked out of the office. Meredith started to follow him, only to have Derek catch her arm.

"Let me go," she hissed, yanking her arm away. "How…how could you? You had…you had to of known that I thought…"

Derek stared at her in confusion. He didn't know. Last night had been Mark's idea alone. Even in his ignorance he put two and two together. "You two…" She nodded, her lips trembling. She looked at the floor, sobbing. "I thought he was joking. When he said he was going to…I never thought…oh God."

Meredith took advantage of his stunned state, rushing from the office. She had to find him. She had to find Mark and talk to him. He was almost to his bright red Jeep Wrangler when she caught up to him. "Mark!"

"Go away Meredith. I don't really want to see you right now." The coldness in his voice startled her. She had never heard him sound like this. "And before you start thinking last night meant something, or that I care about what I just walked in on, you're wrong. I don't give a fuck. Last night was…it was sex. You said you needed it, and hey, we all know I'm always up for it. As for you and Derek…whatever you two do is your business. Just keep it off my desk."

"It wasn't just sex," Meredith shot back. It hadn't been just sex. She wasn't a betting person, but she would lay everything she had on that. There had been something, something bigger and deeper than either one of them was capable of understanding. "I heard you. This morning…before you left. I heard what you said. You said you love me."

"Oh, Mere, you're my friend. Of course I love you. Just…not that way." His tone was flat, uncertain. His fists flexed and un-flexed. She jumped as one of those fists slammed into the side of his Jeep. "God damn it Meredith!"

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, letting her eyes close again. "I…I thought he was…I thought he was you…only I didn't know it was you…and…" Her eyes fly open when she hears the engine of his vehicle starting. He wasn't listening. Nothing she said was getting through to him. She stood there, her face covered in tears, watching the man she loved drive away.


	4. Chapter 4

-1**Author's Note: I know what you're thinking, but you know that saying? It isn't over until the fat lady sings? The same is true of this story. The final pairing isn't clear until the very end. You will think it is Meredith and Derek. You will think it is Meredith and Mark. In the end it will be…well you will have to wait and see! **

Brilliant sunlight sparkled off the choppy water of Puget Sound. Almost blinded by the searing white glare, Meredith slid a pair of tortoise shell print sunglasses onto her face. She would have still worn them even if the sun hadn't been so bright; a night of crying had left her with dark circles and a puffy redness that was anything but attractive. Sniffling a bit, she takes the keys out of the ignition of her Volkswagen Jetta, curling her fingers around them. She sits there for a minute, gripping her keys and fighting the urge to burst into another round of tears.

"Get a grip, Meredith. You did this to yourself," she whispers, blinking back a few tears that had slipped past. Taking a deep breath, she climbed out of the car, cursing when furniture truck rumbles by, spraying mucking water on the legs of her faded jeans. "Oh come on, could the day get any worse?" She slammed her car door shut, hurrying for the curb before another vehicle could come along.

Half jogging, half walking Meredith made her way to the small outdoor café she had agreed to meet Izzie at. It was a favorite of their's, giving them a bird's eye view of the docks. Lot's of prime eye candy on those docks. They use to spend hours there, rating the men who disembarked from the ferries. Then Izzie's school load had doubled, and her boyfriend had made her feel guilty for not being home to answer his calls.

"You made it." Izzie waved at her from what use to be their usual table. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, the front puffed just a bit. In typical college kid fashion she wore a fitted t shirt that didn't quite meet her low slung faded jeans, allowing everyone a view of her butterfly tattoo and the diamond belly button ring. "Wow, you look like hell."

"Gee. Thanks. Good to see you too." Meredith jerked out the chair across from Izzie's. She dropped into it, not bothering to check if it was clean or dry. At this point she didn't care. She was already a mess, physically and emotionally.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Izzie leaned her forearms on the small, round table. Genuine concern shown in her dark colored eyes. "We don't have to…but if you want to…"

Meredith shook her head. The pain was too new, too raw. She couldn't talk about it just yet. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I always end up fine." She reached up, sliding her sunglasses off her face, nestling them into her mussed dark blonde hair. "So, George proposed?"

Izzie wrinkled her nose, her annoyance over George's audacity quite clear. "Yes. He did it last Thursday. Took me to The Archfield, ordered this ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne, and then just said 'I think it's time, Izzie.' Of course, silly me, I had to ask him what time he was referring to. Marriage, he said. Marriage and sex. Can you believe him! He proposes, doesn't even wait for my answer, just says he has a room for us to celebrate in." She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "I have told him over and over again that marriage is not part of my plan. At least not until I graduate. And if he thinks I'm having sex with him before we get married he is wrong. So wrong."

Cocking one eyebrow up, Meredith studies her friend. Izzie's life plan was a constant source of amusement. Supposedly she had made it back in the ninth grade. It had been a Home Economics assignment. First and foremost on her list was resolution to not have any children until she was at least thirty, there for she would not be having sex until she was married. Understandable since her own mother had only been fourteen when she was born. Second was graduating from college with a masters in psychology. Guidance counselor Izzie would become a reality in two years. Marriage was last on the list, and only after graduating from college. In some ways Meredith admired Izzie's diligence in making certain her life list became a reality, in others she felt pity, Izzie wasn't really living, she was only existing. "You know, Iz, maybe it isn't just about sex with George. Maybe he's just tired of feeling like he's second in your life."

"But he is second," Izzie looked at her, her eyes muddied with confusion. "He knew he was going to be second until I graduate."

Meredith glanced down at her hands. She didn't know why she was butting her nose into Izzie's business. Most likely it was to distract herself from the mess she had made of her own life. "Is that really fair though?" She looks back up at her friend. "Is it really fair to make him put his life on hold because you're scared?"

"I'm not scared, Meredith. I just know what I want. And there is nothing wrong or unfair about that. He knew the score. He chose to stay in this relationship. If he wants to get out, to go live, I'm fine with that." Izzie shrugged.

"Really? If George was to call you right now and say he was leaving you, you would be okay with that?" Meredith couldn't keep her shock from her voice. This was a side of Izzie she had never side, a really sad side. "Izzie, that is so sad."

"What's sad about it? I don't want someone who doesn't love me enough to wait." Izzie took a sip of the ice tea that had, until now, sat untouched in front of her. "By the way, Mark called me this morning. What's up with him hiring his brother? And why didn't you tell me we were going to hire another bar tender? This isn't going to effect my hours is it?"

Her lips parted. Mark had hired his brother without talking to Derek and her? Correction, her. She had no idea if he had talked to Derek or not. "This won't effect your hours," Meredith assured Izzie. She could kill Mark. This had best not be a sign of how the future was going to be. If it was, their business was going to end up a mess.

"Good. I still can't believe you are hiring him. Have you ever met him?" Meredith shook her head. She had never met any of Mark's family. She knew his mom was twice divorced and was currently married to a man Mark couldn't stand, that he had a half brother named Alex, who had a tendency for finding trouble, and a step-sister named Rebecca, who seemed to have a thing for Alex. "Well, I have. He's in my Marriage and The Family class. He's an ass, Meredith. All he does is goof around. He's constantly flirting with these skanky girls, and you know it's only because they put out. When I found out he was Mark's brother, I thought maybe I could be his friend. I even introduced myself. He acted like he hadn't heard me, like I wasn't even there. And do you know why? Because some bleached blonde bitch of a cheerleader wearing a skirt was bent over and her thong was showing."

Meredith had no idea what to say in response to Izzie's angry out burst. Alex sounded a lot like his older brother. Mark use to do the same thing back when they attended college together. She could remember this one time he knocked this girl's books off her desk so the girl would have to bend over and pick them up. Thinking about Mark had the lump in her throat forming again, her chest tightening, and tears burning in her eyes again. "I lied. I'm not fine. I do need to talk." She took a deep breath, whispering a short prayer that whoever was in charge would give her strength. "So, the other night, the guys and I were joking around about what lousy taste I have in men."

"Your taste does suck," Izzie agreed, nodding her head, a solemn look on her pretty face.

"Thank you, Izzie." Meredith propped her elbows on the table, burying her face in her hands. "The joking kind of got serious after a while though. We started talking about whether or not we had ever had feelings, other than friendship for each other." She peeked through her fingers. Izzie was just staring at her, a troubled look on her face. "I got this note, with a blind fold. I knew one of them had sent it, and I have to admit I've always wondered. I thought I could do it. That I could just have sex with one of them and it wouldn't matter. Only it did because it wasn't just sex. It was so much more."

"And now you don't know which guy it was," Izzie said sympathetically. She scooted her chair closer to Meredith's. "Have you thought about just asking? Explain that you think there is something more than friendship there and you want to see where it goes."

"I should have talked to you last night," Meredith sniffed. "I thought it was Derek. The way he acted, I was so certain it was Derek. So, I threw myself at him. Had sex with him in the office." Izzie's eyes widen, her mouth drops open just a bit. "Only, surprise, surprise, Mark walks in. Turns out, Mark was the guy from the night before."

"Wow. Did you try and explain that you thought it was Derek? That it was really him you wanted? It is him that you want right?" Izzie tucked her arm through Meredith's.

"Yeah. It's Mark I want. I love, Iz. I always have. I just…never realized how much until now. And now…" She paused, hiccupping. "Now I've ruined everything." It was the story of her life. Meredith Grey, life ruiner.

"Maybe not," Izzie said, squeezing her arm. "Just keep telling him that you care, that it's him that you want. You also need to tell Derek that what happened last night can't happen again, that it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened to begin with."

"I wish it was that simple," Meredith replied miserably.

"It is that simple. This is only as hard as you make it Meredith."

Meredith lifted her head. Was Izzie right? Was she making this harder than it really was? She sat up straighter, hiccupping again. Izzie was right, she was making this harder than it had to be. If Mark thought she was going to lay down and wallow in self pity he was only half right. She would wallow, she would lay down, but when she done he had best be prepared. For once in her life Meredith had met a man worth fighting for, and she was going to fight hard.


	5. Chapter 5

-1It was with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that Mark entered the back office. His gaze was automatically drawn to the desk. Images from last night flash before his eyes. The sick feeling doubles, the tuna melt sandwich he had eaten for lunch threatening to make a reappearance.

"Dude, this place is disgusting." Alex grumbled from behind him. A scowl fixed on his face, Mark turned to face his younger brother. Alex had pulled plenty of pranks and stunts in his twenty-three years, but none of them as outrageous as breaking into a children's splash pad with three girls, stripping down, and using the equipment in manners they weren't meant to be used. It had taken quite a bit of persuasion and five thousand dollars to get the judge to let his brother go. On the ride home, Mark had made it very clear that Alex would be working every penny of that five grand back.

"If you don't like it, find another job. Otherwise, shut the hell up." Mark elbowed his way past Alex, ignoring the complaints coming from the younger man. He scanned the front of the bar, debating on who he was going to saddle Alex on. Only two of the other employees had made it in. One of the waitresses, a red head by the name of Kimberly who had to be in her late thirties, and Izzie. He had already spoken to Izzie about hiring Alex. She was the logical choice, and she wouldn't take the crap off of him that Kimberly would. "Izzie," he barked the tall blonde's name out in a rougher tone than he intended. She looked up from the glasses she was polishing.

"Yeah?" She walked towards him, her dark eyes narrowed slightly. Her arms were crossed over her chest. Like Kimberly, she wore a black strapless top and dark washed blue jeans. Regulation female uniform, Meredith's idea, even though half the time she didn't wear it herself.

"This is my brother Alex. He's going to start working here. And you're going to show him the ropes." Mark winced when he seen the horrified look on Izzie's face. "Look, I'll pay you extra okay?"

"It doesn't matter what you pay me, I'm not working with him." Izzie snapped. Her full lips were clamped together in a thin, white line. Two spots of color rose in her cheeks.

"Do I know you?" Alex asked from his place next to Mark. Mark glanced at his brother from the corner of his eye. He seemed to be studying Izzie with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

"Marriage and The Family." Izzie snarled. Mark took a step back. He had never seen Izzie this hostile before. If he hadn't been so sick feeling over seeing Meredith and Derek he might have found it hot.

"Oh. Yeah." The wince on Alex's face had Mark's eye brows shooting up. Something other than Izzie offering Alex her notes had happened. "Sorry about…you know…" Alex gestured with his hand, looking away.

"Care to explain what...you know...is?" Mark demanded. Now his interest really was peaked.

"Yes, Alex, care to explain to Mark?" Sarcasm suited Izzie in a way Mark hadn't expected it too. He felt like clapping her on the back, telling her she was well on her way to being normal, now they just had to get rid of that list and her virginity.

"I might…big might…have accidentally knocked her books out of her arms. And her notes may have blown away." Alex scowled. Izzie snorted. "Fine. They did blow away. I offered to get you copies from someone else."

"Right, because your skeezy cheerleader friends take such great notes." Izzie sneered. The color had moved from her cheeks to her neck. "Oh, and don't forget to tell him how Professor Starinki assigned us to work together on this nine weeks project, only you're not doing shit, I'm the one doing all the work!" Izzie moved her gaze to Mark. "I'm not pulling his share of work here too." Turning on the heel of her shoe, she stomped back to the section of the bar she had come from.

"She always been that hot?" Alex asked. Mark shook his head. "What? it's a legit question."

"When are you going to grow up?" Mark asked. He had known Alex wasn't doing so good in school, he just hadn't realized he was ditching out on group projects.

"You're one to talk," Meredith chuckled, brushing past him. He had completely missed her arriving. The muscle in his cheek started to twitch. He had known she would eventually show up, that he would have to see her, he had just hoped it would be busier. Avoidance was an art he had mastered long ago. "You must be Alex." She held her hand out to the grinning little ass.

"And you must be Meredith." The way her name rolled off his tongue had Mark's fists clenching. If the little punk so much as breathed in her direction…He stopped the train of thought he had been on. Meredith was no longer his concern.

"I am." Meredith agreed. There was a devilish glint in her eye, one he would have enjoyed before last night. "I understand that you're going to work here." Alex nodded, his smirky grin still in place. "There are some things we need to get straight right now. I don't want you here. The only reason you're here is because, for whatever reason, Mark wants you here. Don't think that gives you some free pass either. You want to get paid, you have to earn it." Her left hand came to rest on Mark's arm. "You and me. Office. Now."


	6. Chapter 6

-1**Author's Note: I had planned on making this strictly Meredith or Mark's, maybe even some of Derek's, POV. Then I realized I needed Izzie and Alex's POVs too. **

Reaching for another glass, Izzie tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. She kept her gaze down, searching the martini glass for any water spots. Mark and Meredith didn't particularly care if there were a few, but Derek was anal about it. Finding none, she turned to place the glass on the shelf behind her. Her body collided with Alex's. The frail glass slipped from her fingers. She let out a gasp, her heart pounding.

"So it's not just paper you can't keep a hold of," Alex teased, catching the glass by the slender stem moments before it would have hit the concrete floor. A smug grin on his face he held the glass out. Scowling she grudgingly took it. "What, no thank you?"

"Thank you," Izzie snipped, slamming the glass onto the shelf much harder than she intended. It wobbled a bit, almost falling. She steadied it with trembling fingers.

"Are you always so clumsy?" Alex asked. He had leaned his tall, muscular form against the bar, his arms crossed over his chest. She couldn't help perusing his form. Her cheeks burned when she realized he had caught her looking. Narrowing her eyes, she reached around him for another glass. "Am I really your partner in Marriage and The Family?"

Her lips pressed together in a thin line. "No. I made that up." The man couldn't be any bigger of an ass even if he tried. "Don't worry. I almost have it done."

"Look, if I'm your partner I'll do my half. I honestly couldn't remember who my partner was. I was kind of hung over that day. I didn't really catch much. Just that Starinki was pairing people up to do some sort of project."

"Gee, you're really observant, aren't you?" Izzie rolled her eyes. Figured he was hung over. Frat boys like Alex Karev were always hung over, drunk, or thinking about getting drunk. Izzie had never been any of those. There was no time. Work, school, and study, that was her life. She would enjoy the rest after graduation.

"I can be." Alex smirked. "So, are you going to tell me about our project or not?"

"I told you, I almost have it done." That wasn't entirely true. She hadn't really had a chance to even start it. It was a pointless assignment really. Silly even. Pretend to be married. According to the packet the professor had given her, Alex and she were suppose to be happily married for five years. Alex was suppose to be a high school football coach and she was suppose to be a kindergarten teacher. Every so often the professor would be throwing hurdles in their way and they were suppose to write a report on how they would handle it. The first report was due in four days and she didn't have a single clue how to work through the hurdle. She had never been unexpectedly pregnant, and she had no idea how a guy like Alex would react to news like that. Most likely he would run. He looked like the running kind.

"So. Starinki is going to know if we don't it together. I've seen a few of your term papers, and we have completely different writing styles. He's going to know you did all of it." His gaze wondered over to where Meredith and Mark still stood, talking in low, harsh tones. "What's up with them? And don't say you don't know. I seen the look you gave Meredith when she said her and Mark needed to talk."

"Maybe it's not any of our business," Izzie muttered. She plastered a smile on her face as a regular walked towards the bar. "Evening Richard. Vodka on rocks?" The older gentleman nodded. She knew little about him, just that his wife had left him and he thought drowning his misery in Vodka would help. After two she watered them down. If the man wanted to kill himself with liver damage that was his business, but she wasn't going to help.

She turned to start the drink, only to discover Alex had already made it. She murmured a thank you, stepping back as he slid the tumbler in front of Richard. "You really want to help with the project?"

"I said I did. It's my grade too." He grabbed a drink order from the waitress and looked at it confused. "How the hell do you make these?"

Izzie peered over his shoulder at the order. Sex On The Beach, Cosmopolitan, Dirty Martini, and a Harvey Wall Banger. Sighing, she reached under the bar, handing him what Meredith had playfully dubbed the bartenders bible. "Here. Trade me." Mutely, Alex did as she asked. He looked down at the book, then back at her with surprise. "And, if you're serious about helping me with the project we can start on it tonight, after work."

"Tonight?" Alex winced. Figured. She should have known he hadn't really meant it. Pressing her lips together she started making the drinks. "Yeah. Sure. Tonight works for me."

Izzie blinked, staring at him in surprise. She flashed him a bright smile, then proceeded to explain how each drink was made.


	7. Chapter 7

-1The man standing before her held little resemblance to the man she had met years ago. Back then he had looked like one of those American Eagle ads. Sun bleached hair almost to his shoulders, button downed shirts over t shirts, and a cocky grin that said he knew you wanted him. The grin was still the same, although it was no where in sight at the moment, and he still looked as though he had walked out of an advertisement, only now it was one of those sultry Vodka ads.

"We don't really have anything to say, Meredith." Mark's low voice sounded gruffer that usual, harder. She raised her chin slightly, issuing a silent challenge. There was plenty that needed to be said. "You said you wanted to get laid, no strings attached. That's what you got."

"No strings? Mark…" Meredith stared at him, stunned. There was a mess of strings attached to their one night together, the least of which was her indiscretion with Derek. "It wasn't no strings, and it wasn't just about having sex. It was more."

"It wasn't more, Meredith." Mark insisted. He was so cold, so distant. This wasn't her best friend, her Dickhead One. This was some stranger.

"Really? If it wasn't more, then why did you look so hurt when you found Derek and me together?" The hurt had been real. She hadn't imagined it. He could deny it all he wanted, but the fact remained that he had been hurt.

"I wasn't hurt. Just a bit shock. Really, Meredith, I knew you were slutty, but two guys in less than twenty four hours, and your friends to boot…now that just tops the cake."

Crack. The sound of her palm connecting with his cheek quieted the bar. Tears burning her eyes, Meredith bolted around him and headed toward the door. She could hear Izzie calling after her, but she ignored her friend. She had to get out of there.

The decision to come to work as though nothing had happened hadn't been an easy one. For most of the day Derek had debated on whether or not to call in sick. It wouldn't have been a lie. He was sick.

Meredith had taken him by surprise, offering him something he had dreamed of for years. The dream had been better than reality. At first she had been overly eager, then something had changed. Her body had stiffened, as though she was just doing a duty. He should have seen that as a sign and stopped. He hadn't though, he had over looked it, along with her tears, and made himself believe she wanted it as much as he did. Until he seen the pain on her face when Mark walked in.

It had never been him. It had always been Mark. Meredith had always been in love with Mark. It was almost laughable since he knew for a fact Mark had always loved Meredith. The only people who hadn't seen it had been Meredith and Mark.

The sound of sobbing pulled him from his confused musings. Standing just outside the side door leading into the bar was Meredith. She was bent over, heart broken sobs shaking her body.

"Meredith?" He hurried over. Curving one hand around her upper body, he pulled her against him, holding her tightly. He stroked her tear dampened hair off her face. "Mere, you need to calm down. Talk to me." She shook her head, sobbing harder, babbling something about being a slut and Mark. His jaw tightened. He didn't have to hear the whole story to know what had happened. "He didn't mean it. He is mad and hurt. Give him time to cool off."

Again she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I was just another girl. Just another notch in Mark Sloan's belt buckle." If she believed that she was a fool. He could imagine Mark told her that, anything to save face. "I can't believe I was so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Meredith." Derek said firmly. Meredith's lack of self esteem had always been a constant annoyance for Mark and him. She refused to see anything good about herself. Quit before she failed, that was Meredith. Not this time though, he wasn't going to let her. "And Mark…he's an ass. He is a stupid, sorry ass, but he didn't mean it. He loves you Meredith. I think…no I know…he always has. Which is why, no matter how I felt about you, I shouldn't have let last night happen."

"You didn't let anything happen. I was there to. And Mark doesn't love me. Not like that." Meredith shuddered. She looked so much like a lost little girl it was heart breaking. Even more heartbreaking was knowing he was partially responsible. "I did it again. I let myself confuse sex with something more."

"You didn't," Derek insisted. It was painful, seeing her this way. So thoroughly broken and emotionally bleeding. "Listen to me, Mere, you didn't confuse anything. Mark cares. He loves you." She shook her head. Again. He growled in frustration. "Stop. He does. Believe me, I know."

Her wounded green eyes raise to meet his. "How?" So much hope in that simple question.

Derek hesitated. He would be betraying Mark even more by answering, but Meredith needed his loyalty a bit more at that moment. Screw Mark and his twisted sense of coping. "He told me. The night you two…well after you left…and before he…he told me he loved you."

"He told you? He actually used the words I am in love with Meredith?" Derek nodded. A small smile tipped the corners of Meredith's eyes. It didn't last long. "It doesn't matter. He hates me now. Thinks I'm some dirty slut who screws two guys in less than twenty four hours."

"He doesn't hate you. He's just hurt. Us guys, we don't deal with hurt the same way you chicks do. We tend to act like asses." Derek slung an arm around her shoulders, steering her toward his car. "The key is getting us to admit that we were in the wrong too and that we cannot live without you. And that key, my dear, is jealousy." He opened the passenger door of his silver Mustang. Meredith hesitated, then climbed inside. He slammed the door shut, grinning as he rounded the car. He glanced in the direction of the bar. The silohette of a man standing in the doorway caught his attention. He didn't have to see his face to know it was Mark. He gave him a small wave before joining Meredith in the car. "And we are going to make Mark so jealous that he eats those words."

"We are?" Meredith stared at him, confused.

"We are," Derek repeated, before capturing her mouth in what he hoped appeared to be a passionate kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

-1

It was disturbing. No. Scratch that, it went beyond disturbing. With a scowl fixed to his pretty boy face Mark watched as Derek tossed peanuts in the general direction of Meredith's open mouth. Every so often one would actually land on her tongue, resulting in a giggle. This wasn't the first time the duo had played this game, and he knew it wouldn't be the last, but it was the first time they had done it as a couple.

Couple. Thinking of Meredith and Derek in those terms had the muscle in his cheek twitching. It had been a little over two weeks since he had called Meredith a slut. He had followed her out with the intention of apologizing, only to find her making out with Derek. All thoughts of apologizing had gone out the window. Why should he apologize when five seconds later she had proven the words true?

That night had been the start of Meredith and Derek, couple extraordinaire. It was also the start of Mark's personality transplant. He no longer teased or went out of his way to be friendly. He came, he did his job, found some inebriated beauty to take home, and avoided being alone with his ex-best friends as much as possible. He had given serious thought to selling his share of the bar. Anything to not be around them.

Not that either of them noticed the change in his demeanor. Nope. They were too wrapped up in each other to care that his heart was still bleeding. If they did notice, he doubted they cared. They had shown him what his thoughts, feelings, and friendship meant to them: nothing.

"I got an A."

Mark scowled when Alex shoved what looked like a seven page report in his face. "Yippee for you." He batted the report away, his scowl deepening when Derek reached across the bar to tuck a lock of Meredith's honey colored hair behind her ear.

"Dude, did you hear me? I said that I got an A." Alex waved the paper before him again. Letting out a sigh, Mark took the papers Alex was showing him. Sure enough, there in bright red ink was an A+. It would have been more exciting if Isobel Stevens hadn't been right below Alexander Karev. "Okay, so technically Izzie and I got an A, but still."

"That's great Al." Mark handed the report back. Automatically his gaze went straight back to Meredith and Derek. Derek was gone, leaving Meredith standing there alone, wiping down the bar at a leisurely pace. A small part of him wanted to go over, to tug on the long ponytail her hair was caught back in, to whisper something hilariously naughty in her ear. He wouldn't though, too much had happened for them to go back to the way things had been. It wasn't just the fact that they had had sex, or her screwing Derek the next day, or that she was dating Derek now. No it was because being around her hurt too damn much.

"You could at least pretend to be happy for me. I worked hard to get this. I didn't put it all off on Izzie or anything." Alex looked, and sounded, peeved that Mark hadn't shown more interest in his recent academic success. Mark sighed again, then focused on his little brother. He wasn't the only one to change, Alex had too. There was a new maturity about him, and Mark knew why. Hanging around Izzie had been good for his brother. It was just too bad his brother hadn't been good for Izzie. The girl was still straight laced and fussy, always whining about that boyfriend of her's wanting to get married. Mark doubted the punk wanted marriage, he just wanted laid and knew the only way Izzie was putting out was with a ring on her finger. Of course Alex and Izzie had only been friends for a few weeks. Who knew how their influence on one another would ultimately effect them in the long run.

"I am very happy for you. Proud of ya." Mark forced a grin, punching the younger man in the arm. He wasn't rewarded with a punch back or the smart remark he had been expecting. Instead Alex stared at him with concern. "What?"

"I'm worried about you." Alex answered. Mark chuckled, then realized Alex was being serious. Damn. "You're drinking too much, and while I'm sure taking home a hot chick every night has it's perks, it doesn't seem to be doing much for your mood, so I have to wonder why."

"You're one to talk," Mark shot back. That wasn't entirely true. Alex had settled a bit over the last few weeks. He had settled into a routine of working, school, or studying with Izzie. At first he had thought his brother had some hidden agenda behind spending so much time with Izzie, some secret plot to rid her of her virginity or something. Then Mark started watch the two interact. The kid seemed to really enjoy just being friends with her, and not once had Izzie complained about him.

"I'm not the one in love with someone else's girl though," Alex pointed out, nodding in Meredith's direction. Muttering a curse under his breath, Mark shoved past Alex. The last thing he needed was love advice from his younger brother.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Mark growled. He fixed a scowl on a his face. Needing something to do, he grabbed a wet rag from a sink full of bleach. He wrung it out, then headed toward the section of tables and chairs that dominated one corner.

"You're a bad liar Mark," Alex chided. Son of a bitch. The kid had followed him. Didn't he have something better to do? Like try and get in Izzie's pants.

"And you're annoying, anyone ever tell you that?" Mark snapped. The last person he was going to take advice from was Alex. The kid could forget it. They weren't even all that close.

"I tell him that all the time," Izzie said as she breezed past with a tray of drinks. She had twisted her hair up in some sort of intricate knot atop her head with only a few tendrils loose around her face. Mark blinked. Since when did Izzie fix her hair? Ponytails had been her thing since day one. He peered at her a bit closer. In addition to the hair do she wore a little more make up than usual.

"Stop staring at her like that," Alex hissed.

Mark blinked. "Staring at who like what?" As soon as he asked it hit him. Alex thought he was checking Izzie out. He couldn't help laughing. Izzie shot them both an odd look over her shoulder. "You know she has a boyfriend right?"

"Yeah. I know. George. We're just friends. Not even that really. She's just a nice girl and…Shut up!" Alex scowled when Mark laughed again, frowning he stomped back towards the bar. At the last second he turned around and came back. "If you want Meredith you're going to have to get your head out of your ass and go after her."

"Haven't you been paying attention, she's playing happily ever after with Derek," Mark grumbled. He turned his focus to wiping down a table that was sticky with spilled beer.

"You're seriously buying into that?" Alex practically doubled over, laughing.

"Why wouldn't I?" Mark demanded. He narrowed his eyes, grabbing a handful of Alex's shirt in his fist. "Do you know something you're not telling me?"

"I...uh… " Alex glanced over to where Izzie stood. Understanding hit Mark with a force that left him reeling. Alex did know something, and he had heard it from Izzie. With a determined look on his face Mark made a bee line for her. "Mark, come on. Nobody knows anything about Meredith trying to make you jealous."

"Alex," Izzie groaned.

"Fuck," Alex whispered.

Mark stopped. Meredith was trying to make him jealous. He glanced in the direction he had last seen her. She wasn't there. He turned in time to see her disappearing through the door that led to the office. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe him and little Miss Meredith did need to have a talk.


	9. Chapter 9

-1The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he had been able to stop them. Alex wished there was a logical explanation for his slip of the tongue. There wasn't. At least not one he was going to admit to.

"What were you thinking, telling Mark that Meredith was trying to make him jealous?" Izzie hissed, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the corner behind the pinball machine.

I was thinking about how hot your ass looks in those jeans, he thought, a wide grin spreading across his lips. "I dunno," he said aloud. Izzie stared at him suspiciously. She knew, he could see it on her face. "It just slipped out."

"Uh huh," Izzie nodded her head, one eye brow crooked up. The smile flittering across her lips told him she didn't believe a word of what he was saying. "Want to talk about why it slipped out," she teased, swatting his arm and shaking her head, then moving to leave.

"I don't know. Maybe we should." Alex teased back, pulling her back into the dark corner when she would have left. She laughed, throwing her arms around his neck, exclaiming that he was a hopeless teaser. "Maybe I'm not teasing this time," he said softly. Her eyes widened, locking with his. Heart pounding, he moved his lips closer to her's. A shock of electricity shot through him as he grazed his mouth over her's. When he would have kissed her, one of the other waitress' calls for Izzie. She hurried away, a look that was a mixture of horror and shock on her face.


	10. Chapter 10

-1Tense fingers grip the edge of a shelf full of boxed napkins, straws, and various other paper products that Meredith just doesn't give a fuck about. Her jade colored eyes close, blocking out the site of the gray, cement floor. In theory Derek's plan had seemed perfect. Act as though they were together and it would push Mark over the edge, forcing him to admit that he cared about her. Each day she would pretend Derek was the one she wanted, laughing with him, letting him kiss her, all in the hope that Mark would notice and show some sign that it bothered him. He never did. Each night he left with a different woman, each one sluttier than the last.

Her shoulders shook as she fought the urge to cry. When had her life become this screwed up? She knew the answer. It happened the moment she had sex with Derek. A more sensible woman would have asked him if he was the one. Not her, she had to be stupid, impulsive Meredith Grey who fucked first, then asked questions. Was it any wonder she couldn't keep a man? Nope. It wasn't. She sniffled a bit, her lips trembling.

"I can't do it anymore," she said when she heard the door open. Derek had said he would follow her in. Another attempt to make Mark jealous. She couldn't do it anymore. It was taking too much out of her. Mark wasn't jealous and most likely wouldn't ever be jealous where she was concerned. She had been nothing but a fuck to him. "I thought I could, but I just…can't. He doesn't care, Derek. I think I could just…leave…and he wouldn't notice." A single tear trickled down her cheek, black mascara trailing in it's wake. "Do you know what hurts the most? He isn't even my friend anymore. I could take him not loving me if he was still my friend." She lifted her head, opening her eyes. Instead of Derek, Mark stood in the doorway. Her lips parted, then pressed closed. They stood there, staring at each other for what felt like forever before she whispered his name.

He strode the short distance from the doorway to where she stood. His large hands cupped her small face, his mouth crashing against her's. She twined her arms up around his neck, kissing him back with all the love and longing she had been feeling ever sense their one night.


	11. Chapter 11

-1**Author's Note: Please remember that I am not Shonda and that you can have faith in me. **

Mark couldn't get enough. The desire to possess consumed him. He deepened the kiss, caressing the recesses of Meredith's mouth with the tip of his tongue. She responded the way he knew she would, pressing her slender body flush against his, her lower body grinding against his groin. Groaning, he slowly slid his hands down her back, splaying his fingers across her backside.

_Derek's hands slid up her bare legs, under the short denim skirt she had worn. Two of his fingers move the crotch of her panties aside._

Jaw clenched, Mark pulled Meredith's body even closer, assaulting her mouth with a punishing kiss. Any protests she made fell on deaf ears. His mind was to wrapped up in the memory of her and Derek.

_Meredith broke free of the kiss, shimmied out of her underwear, and then scooted her body onto the edge of the desk. She leaned back on her forearms, legs dangling, while Derek knelt over her. _

He could feel his blood starting to boil, felt his rage spewing forth, coursing through his body. His fingers wrap around her upper arms, digging deep. Once more he doesn't hear her protests as he slammed her body against the back wall. With rough hands, he unbuttons her denim shorts, shoving them down her hips, leaving angry red marks on her pale skin. The white and yellow bikini panties beneath barely rode her hips.

_She closed her eyes as he slid fully into her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her nails raked down his back. _

"God damn it," Mark hissed, shoving himself away from her. He couldn't get it out of his head. Meredith. Derek. The two of them fucking on his desk. Every time he closed his eyes he could see them, could hear them. Hell, he could practically smell sex in the air. He lifted his arms, running his fingers through his hair, the dark blonde locks standing on end.

"Mark?" Meredith whispered, looking at him from bewildered green eyes. He couldn't look at her, yet he couldn't look away either. Her hair had come loose, a mass of sun streaked waves around a flushed face, and her lips were swollen, bruised even. With her tank top pushed up, almost over her bra, and her shorts partially shoved down, she looked used. Not the consensual sort of used either. No, she looked as though someone had grabbed her, used her against her will, then cast her aside. On some level he had.

"I can't get it out of my head," he yelled. She jumped back, pressed herself against the wall. "Every time I close my eyes, it's right there." He balled up his fist, needing to hit something. He started to swing at the wall, then stopped himself.

"I…I'm sorry…I don't understand." Meredith shook her head, confused. She didn't understand. Mark wanted to laugh. Of course she didn't understand. She wasn't the one to walk in to find the person they loved fucking someone else. She wasn't the one who had her heart ripped out. She wasn't the one with images implanted in her head that wouldn't go away.

"You. You and Derek. Every time I look at you, or him, that's all I see. You. On my desk. With him fucking you." Mark's chest heaved, his breath coming in small pants. He had loved her since he was nineteen years old. He had been too stupid back then to know what it was he was feeling, and by the time he did know she was too good of a friend. Each time she had brought a new man around a tiny piece of his heart had been ripped out. "Why? Why did you assume it was him? Is it because you want him? Is that it Mere? You want Derek, so you assumed…" He stopped when he seen the look on her face. Hurt. Pain. Betrayal. Every emotion that was humming through his body was written on her face.

"Do you have any idea what this has done to _me_?" Meredith cried. Her clothes were still a mess, still half on, half off. "I didn't _ want _it to be Derek. I assumed it was because I heard you say I love you. And there was once, a long time ago, when Derek said it. He said he loved me. You," she paused, taking a deep breath, "you never once indicated that you felt anything for me. Not once. If you had…God. Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! It has always been you. Every guy I have dated…I chose them because there was something about them that reminded me of you. They never were though." She moved away from the wall. Her fingers trembled as they tugged her shorts up. "They were never you, and you never once gave me any reason to think we could be more. So, yes, I assumed it was Derek because I already knew he loved me." Her eyes glistened like emeralds behind the sheen of tears. "I just wanted someone to love me. To feel like I mattered to someone. I wanted that person to be you, but I was willing to settle for Derek because I knew how he felt."

Mark couldn't move. He couldn't words that were milling around in his mind. So, he stood there. He stood there while she walked away, looking defeated.


	12. Chapter 12

-1

**Author's Note: This chapter is just for you Gwen, Samantha, Mona, Viv, Emma, and Tanya. **

An unfamiliar, slightly unwelcome, tingle still shocked Izzie's lips two hours after the almost kiss. Her tongue darted out, rubbing across her plumb, lower lip. She hadn't allowed herself the time to think about what had transpired behind the pinball machine, choosing instead to focus on the crush of customers that vied for her attention. Now, as she tugged a pale yellow hoodie on over her black, strapless top, she had nothing to distract her and her mind kept retreating back to what _almost_ happened.

Her lips parted, her breath quickened. _Stop thinking about it, about him, _Izzie silently scolded. It wasn't that simple though. Everywhere she went, there he was. School, they had classes. Work, almost all their shifts were the same. Home, he was always there to study. He was everywhere. And, the funny thing was, it didn't bother her. Usually.

"You leaving?" Kimberly stuck her head in the back room. Izzie nodded. There was no reason for her to stay. Derek had control of the bar, and it was Kimberly's turn to work until closing. She could have left earlier, but she had hoped to speak with Meredith, find out what had happened when Mark followed her into the stock room. Asking would have to wait. First Mark, then Meredith, had stormed out of the bar. "Think you could cover me tomorrow night?"

Izzie hesitated. "Yeah…sure…"

"She can't," Alex cut in. He slid around Kimberly's petite frame, a cocky grin on his handsome face. "She's got plans tomorrow night."

Kimberly looked from one to the other, then shrugged. Izzie waited until the older waitress was gone before turning on him. "What the hell?" Her face twisted into an angry mask. She stared at him, dark eyes colliding with hazel ones. "I don't have any plans tomorrow, and if I did they sure as hell wouldn't be with you!" Pressing her lips together, Izzie started toward the back door.

"Chill, will you?" Alex caught her around the waist. She stiffened. The friendship they had formed was teetering on a thin rail. She had made it clear from day one that she loved George, that she was committed to George. He had seemed to understand. Until tonight.

"Let go of me," she said through gritted teeth. Panic was fluttering in her stomach. She didn't know why he effected her this way. Every time she was near him all she could think about was sex. Hot, dirty, sex. It was discomforting. There were days she would swear he could read her mind. "Seriously, Alex. Let go. If you don't I'm going to use that move you showed me last week. The one you said would make a guy writher in pain." It was an empty threat. She didn't have it in her to physically harm another human being, especially not him. In some weird, twist of fate he had become her best friend. Even when she was angry, like now, she didn't couldn't bring herself to tell him to get lost.

"I'll let go on one condition." Alex said, his voice low. Izzie gulped. If he asked for a kiss she was done for. "You agree to hear me out." She blinked, surprised. She could do that. She relaxed, giving him a look that said 'go ahead'. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. Well, tried to kiss you."

"Why did you?" She mentally kicked herself for asking. She should have thanked him and let the situation be done with. She couldn't though. She had to know. Did he look at her as more than a friend? She had to admit, if only to herself, that it was a bit of a turn on. All through high school boys had stayed away from her. She was either the smart girl or the girl from the trailer park. The only boy to ever be nice to her had been George. He had asked her to the Prom their junior year. From there they started their relationship. A relationship she was starting to question. Was she with him because she was in love with him? Was she with him out of fear that nobody else wanted her? Was she with him out of convenience? She hated all the questions roaming through her mind. Hated even more that Alex was now adding more to them.

"I don't know," Alex answered. He was lying. It was written on his face. He knew why he kissed her, he just wasn't saying. "Actually. That's not true. I wanted to kiss you because. I know that isn't a very good reason but…" He shrugged. She stared at him, uncertain what to make of his rambling admittance that he had just wanted to kiss her and didn't have any real reason.

Izzie bit her lip. Heart pounding, she took a deep breath. "Is this…wanting to kiss me thing going to effect our friendship? I mean, is it a curiosity thing or something?" She crossed her arms, stared at him.

"Curiosity! Yeah. That's one way to describe it." Alex muttered. He reached up, running a hand over his hair.

"Okay. Well…I guess I can admit that I'm curious too. Which is normal. I mean the only guy I have ever kissed is George, so it is normal that I would wonder about what it felt like to kiss another guy and…" She was cut off by his mouth capturing her's. Startled, she just stands there, letting his mouth tease across her's. Gradually, she fell into the kiss, slipping her arms around his neck. She ignored the guilt creeping in, choosing instead to focus on the wonderful tingle that was slowly starting to seep through her body.


	13. Chapter 13

-1 Silence greeted Meredith as she opened the front door to the small duplex she shared with an over weight cat named Oliver and a gold fish she hadn't bothered to name. Sighing, she tossed her keys onto the tiled bar that separated her miniscule living room and even smaller kitchen. She sighed again, staring at the blinking red light on her answering machine, which indicated that someone had left her a message.

"Bet it's just Addie," Meredith mused aloud. Her old college roommate, Addison Forbes, was the only person who bothered calling her home phone. Most people called her cell or the bar. She pressed play. Instead of Addison's cool, East coast voice she hears Izzie's over excited one. She blinked, her lips parting slightly as she listened to Izzie's rambling on about Alex, kissing and the back room. "Silly girl," she murmured, pressing delete. She felt a bit bad. She should pick up the phone, call Izzie, and give her a nice, long lecture on how painful the burn was when a girl played with fire. And Alex Karev was fire. Hot, scorching fire. Just like his older brother, Mark.

She pressed the play button again. This time Addison's expected voice greeted her. "Mere, I did something. Something bad. Not buying another pair of black shoes bad either. I…well…just call me okay?"

Well, well, well. Perfect Miss Addison had done something bad, had she. Meredith started to pick up the phone, even had her fingers laying on the cool, black surface, when the loud peel of her doorbell had her jumping out of her skin. "Son of a bitch," she hissed when she stubbed her toe on the trunk that served as her coffee table. Whoever it was at her door had best have a damn good reason for being there. She was in no mood to deal with anyone. Not Izzie and her forbidden kisses. Not Derek and his plots to make Mark jealous. Nobody. She just wanted to be alone to wallow in the misery that had become her life.

"What?" The harsh tone quickly changed to one of confusion. There, his dark blonde hair silver in the moonlight, stood Mark. He had changed from his black work t shirt into a red one that said 'Stupid People Piss Me Off,' and smelled faintly of aftershave and soap. While she had been driving around, sobbing, he had gone home to shower. Typical. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you going to let me in?" Mark asked. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and smiled at her sheepishly. Her knees started to give out. Damn him. She wanted to be mad at him still. She couldn't be though. Not when she held the brunt of the blame. When it came down to it, most of it was her fault. She should have asked questions first. She should have told Mark how she felt about him a long time ago. There were so many should have's.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. Her treacherous cat slid past her, wove his thick body in between Mark's legs. She wasn't surprised though. Mark had been the one to find Oliver. He hadn't been able to keep pets in the ritzy building he called home, so she had graciously taken the cat. "That depends on why you're here." She couldn't take anymore of his anger. She knew it was justified, but she was drained. Physically. Emotionally. Drained. "Because I'm really not up for another round of blame Meredith." She clutched the door, leaned her cheek against it.

"I…I just want to talk. No blaming. No finger pointing. Just talking." Mark hesitated, then reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She longed to lean into his touch, to feel his body close to her's. It wasn't sexual, the touch she craved, it was emotional. "Think we could do that?"

"I don't know. Don't you think we said everything that needed to be said already? You can't get past what happened with Derek and I can't take it back, no matter how much I want to. Which kind of leaves us at a stand still." She fought the urge to close her eyes, to sigh. His hand had lingered after tucking her hair, one finger tracing her jaw line.

"We _need_ to talk, Meredith," Mark said firmly. His hand fell away as he wedged himself past her. She started to protest, to demand that he leave. The words wouldn't leave her lips though. Whispering a small prayer for strength, she closed the door. She leaned her forehead against it, closing her eyes. She flinched, then melted, when she felt his hands come to rest on her shoulders. "I hate this, Mere-Mere. I hate what this has done to our friendship."

"I wasn't aware that we still had a friendship," Meredith choked out. She had thought she was done crying. She wasn't. The tears started slipping down her cheeks. Each one like a betrayal.

Gently, he turned her to face him. "I think that is why this is so hard. We are friends. We're friends who crossed a line. A line that, maybe, we shouldn't have crossed." She nodded. No, they shouldn't have crossed it. It was done though. The line had been crossed. There was no stepping back over it. "I don't regret it though."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You don't?"

Mark shook his head. "No. Do you know how long I have wanted to…have thought about it? Since the first time I saw you."

"I looked horrible that day," Meredith laughed. She couldn't help herself. She really had looked horrible the day she met Mark. A nasty flu bug had been making its way through the dorms, and she had blessed with its presence in her body. She had felt, and looked, like crap but that hadn't stopped her boss from demanding that she work her shift. Close to closing time, when she was about ready to pass out from dehydration and a 103 degree fever, Mark had shown up. A sexy, frat boy who looked perfect. She had wanted him. Wanted him more than she wanted Derek. Derek had already asked her on a few dates, and once she had even accepted. It had been nice, as had his kiss, but nothing compared to the bolt of electricity that shot through her when Mark touched her. She had tripped over her own two feet, tired and sick, and he had caught her. She had been embarrassed beyond words, but Mark had made off like it was nothing. He had set her down on one of the sofa's and then proceeded to wipe down the rest of the tables for her. After that, he showed up every night to help her close down. She had been certain he would ask her out, only he never did. Eventually she introduced him to Derek, the two clicking instantly. There was no going back after that. They became her Dickheads.

"I'm not talking about that night in the coffee shop when that prick Gary made you work sick. I seen you before that. You were with that redheaded roommate of your's. You had on this pretty yellow tank top and jean shorts. And the way the sun hit your hair…" His face clouded for a minute, as though he was lost in the past. Perhaps he was. "When you laughed it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew that I had to know you. It was fairly easy to find out where you worked. Yeah, I know. Stalker crazy. I had to meet you though." Mark took a deep breath, letting it whoosh out. He started to pace the length of her living room, which consisted of ten steps. He stopped in front of the maroon club chair that dominated one corner, plopped down in it only to bounce back up and pace some more. "I wanted to ask you out. I was going to ask you out. Then you introduced me to Derek. I knew…even back then…how he felt about you. At first I didn't care. I was still going to ask you out. Then Derek's dad died. How could I steal the girl he loved after that? He was like the walking wounded."

"I wasn't his girl though," Meredith said softly. "We went out a couple times. I never encouraged him as anything more than a friend." That wasn't entirely true. Before she had met Mark she had flirted heavily with Derek, had given him every reason to think they could be more. The flirting had stopped though once Mark came on the scene. "You get how tragic and pathetic we are right?" She quipped, sinking into the chair Mark had vacated. Her cat jumped into her lap, circling a few times before curling his large body in the space between her left leg and the side of the chair. "You loved me. I loved you. And yet we never did get the happy ending." She laughed bitterly, then choked on a sob. She wanted that happy ending so badly. Didn't she deserve one? She thought so. Maybe the powers that be didn't though and she was just going to have to settle on being miserable.

"We still could. We still could have the happy ending." Mark crouched in front of her, his fingers twining with her's. "I have said a lot of things these past couple weeks that I'm not proud of. I shouldn't have said them. I was angry though. Angry and hurt. I love you, Mere. I didn't want to. I tried to stop. I just can't. So, I'm asking for a chance. A chance to prove to you that I didn't mean those things and that I do love you. Do you think you could?"

Her body started to shake, tears blurred her vision. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and start the happy ending. She couldn't though. "I want to. I really do, but how can I? You forget, I know you. You hold grudges Mark. You never let things go. And…you said it yourself…this thing with Derek is never going to go away. I don't want to have some stupid mistake I made thrown in my face every time we get into a disagreement or you have a bad day. I can't live like that Mark. And neither can you."

"I'm over it," Mark insisted. She shook his head. She wanted to believe him, but she knew him too well. Mark Sloan did not get over things that fast. "I know you don't believe me, which is why I am asking for a chance. Just a chance. If at any time you think I am holding it against you or if I bring it up you can walk away. Literally. And I'll respect that."

She hesitated. Logic told her to say no, that there was no way they could work. She opened her mouth, ready to say she couldn't, instead she said "One month. You have one month."


	14. Chapter 14

-1Bitterness tainted Derek's tongue as he took a long swallow of the black slop the waitress had told him was coffee. He grimaced as the thick muck slid down his throat. He slammed the ceramic mug onto the Formica topped table, then stared down at the dark liquid. This wasn't how he had planned on spending his Sunday afternoon, sitting alone in a coffee shop, drinking sludge, and mourning the loss of something that never was. Yet, there he was. Sitting, mourning, and wondering how the hell he was going to deal with Meredith and Mark being a couple.

Derek frowned, a small crease marring the space just above his nose. He had known, on some level, that Mark would eventually forgive Meredith. The man had been in love with her for years. A small part of him, the part that was in love with her, had hoped she would realize it was him, Derek, that she was in love with. He should have known better. The entire time they were pretending to be a couple all she could do was cry about the situation with Mark. In addition to the tears she had kept telling him what a good friend he was and how she was sorry for what had happened between the two of them.

"More coffee?" He glanced up to find a waitress standing there. She was average looking, with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and a too wide grin. The pale pink polo shirt and khaki pants she wore did little for her figure, but then most work uniforms weren't like The Hot Zone's and meant to flatter.

"Are you sure this is coffee?" He cracked. Rose, at least that is what her name tag read, laughed. She made a joke back about not knowing what the sludge really was. "Any chance of getting some that isn't the consistency of motor oil?"

"I'll see what I can do," Rose promised, taking the mug from the table. She smiled over her shoulder at him. He smiled back, it didn't quite reach his eyes though. His gaze is averted to the front door when he hears it jingle. Sunlight turned pale blonde hair to gold, giving the tall, slender girl an angelic look. He could not help cracking a small smile and waving. She waved in return, then said something to the man she was with before making her way toward him.

"Derek! Hi!" Izzie grinned at him, sliding into the booth across from him without waiting for an invitation. Not that she needed one. "So, how are you?"

The question was a reasonable one. It was one he would have asked her if their roles were reversed. It still felt like an invasion, a slap in the face. It meant that she knew about the triangle that was him, Meredith and Mark. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Izzie quirked one eye brow. "You're fine?" He nodded. "Come on Derek, I've worked for you for almost a year now. I've kinda gotten to know you…just a little…enough that I know you are not fine." She shrugged out a raspberry colored hoodie, revealing a peach colored long, sleeved t shirt. "Is this about Meredith?" Derek winced. Was he really that obvious? "Don't worry, you don't look pathetic or anything. I just know the full story. Plus, I've seen the way you look at her." So, she did know. All the gory details. Great. He wondered who else knew. Most likely the whole damn bar.

"How do I look at her?" Derek demanded.

She hesitated. "The same way she looks at Mark," Izzie answered softly. He had been expecting the answer. It stung none the less. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's just…you know what. Never mind. I'm going to shut up now."

"Are you ready?" Derek looked up to find a curly haired fellow with large blue eyes. The collared golf shirt and pressed khakis reminded him of the yuppies at the country club. He knew that he should know the kid was, but he couldn't put his finger on how or why. "If you're not, I really need to know. We have reservations."

"Yeah. I'm ready. Sorry." Izzie smiled weakly at Derek, then slid out of the booth. The man, her boyfriend he assumed, had already started toward the door. "George?" He turned to look back at her. "Aren't you even going to say hi?"

"Oh. Right. Hello." George offered him a stiff smile. It was clear that the other man was only being polite because Izzie had asked it of him. "We really need to go, Izzie," George insisted, he tapped his watch for effect. The action annoyed Derek. Even more annoying was the way George smiled and chatted with Rose, the waitress. In front of an oblivious Izzie. It was clear that the two knew each other.

"She's a friend of our's from high school," Izzie said, as though she could read his thoughts. "Real nice girl. If you're ever interested…" Izzie wiggled her eyes brows and smiled. Derek laughed, then shook his head. "Okay, well if you change your mind…"

"I won't," Derek promised. Izzie laughed, then said another goodbye before leaving. George didn't deserve her, he thought sourly. He had only met Izzie's boyfriend twice before, and each time he had been left with a feeling of distaste. For whatever reason, he didn't like the younger man. There was no respect, no sign that the man appreciated the gem he had in Izzie. Derek only hoped that one day, and soon, Izzie wised up.

"Here's your coffee, sir," Rose said sweetly. She set a steaming cup of fresh brewed coffee before him. He said a thank you, then lifted the mug to his lips. It tasted the way coffee was meant to taste. At least one thing in his life had been set right. Now, the question was, how the hell was he going to get over Meredith?


	15. Chapter 15

-1Seattle's Metropolitan Grill had seemed like a safe, and lucrative, choice for a second job. Safe because few college kids could afford the ritzy steak house; lucrative because the patrons were known for leaving hefty tips. Having his friends know about the second job wouldn't be too bad, if it wasn't for the stupid tuxedo the restaurant insisted on making the waiters wear. There was no way in hell Alex would ever let his fraternity brothers see him in it. He would never live it down.

He hadn't wanted a second job, but had seen no way around it. He still owed Mark a large sum of money for bailing him, along with a nice stack of court fines and restitution to the owner of the splash pad. He understood paying back Mark, he sort of got the court fines, but restitution to some crabby lesbian bitch for damage that hadn't even occurred? He scowled just thinking about it.

Next to him someone clears their throat. He looked down, found one of the waitresses standing there. She looked comical, a seventeen year old girl in a tuxedo with her hair coiled up into two braids on either side of her head. "What?"

"Do you have section A, or do I?" Olivia asked. She was a nice kid. A senior in high school. The wide eyed looks and ear to ear grins she was always giving him hinted at a crush, and if she had been older, who knows, he might have asked her out. Then again, he thought sourly, maybe not. She wasn't Izzie. That was the problem with all the girls he met anymore. They were not Izzie.

"I do," Alex answered. He cannot help but glance down at his watch. Half an hour to go, then he was free. Free to hit that frat party Viper had been bragging about earlier. Free to call Izzie and see if she…No. Scratch that. He couldn't call Izzie because her so called boyfriend was in town. He had asked to meet the guy and she had freaked, said there was no way in hell. He wanted to be angry, to convince himself that she was ashamed of them being friends. He knew that wasn't true though. Izzie didn't want him near her boyfriend because of what they had been doing when the guy had called to tell her he was coming in for the weekend. After the kiss, he had jokingly invited her back to the above garage apartment he called home. When she had said yes, he had thought he had heard wrong. He had known nothing would happen, but having her in his apartment, letting him kiss her had been more thrilling than the little splash pad orgy that had landed him in more trouble than it had been worth. He had tested the waters, slid one hand into the waist of her jeans. He had been certain she would stop him, that she would make some sort of protest. She hadn't though. She had let him touch her, had let him slip one finger into the hot wetness of her body. He had almost had her on the brink of an orgasm when her damn phone had rung. Good ole boyfriend. Back to reality and freaked out Izzie.

"Good." Olivia grimaced, wrinkling her freckled nose. She gestured to a curly haired young man. He looked like a prig, all stiff and proper in a green and white button downed shirt and sand colored khakis. "This is your waiter," she said to the man, gesturing toward Alex with her hands. She offered Alex an apologetic smile before hurrying off.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Alex asked. Most likely the man wanted someone to sing happy birthday to whoever was with him, or he wanted help with a marriage proposal. Those were the only two reasons a customer had ever sought him out before he had the chance to come by their table.

"Yes, actually," the man shoved a hand into his pocket. He fished out a small, black velvet box. Ah. Marriage proposal. Next he would ask for it to be put in the champagne glass or on top of dessert. "Do you think you could put this in her champagne glass?"

Alex resisted the urge to smirk. He was good. So good. "Sure." He held out his hand, waiting impatiently for the man to hand over the ring. It was one humdinger of a rock. Princess cut diamond solitaire set on a gold band. "Nice ring," he remarked. The man grunted, mumbled something about his girlfriend being too bitchy to appreciate the ring, or him. "I'm sure she will love it," Alex assured him. Again the man snorted. Alex raised both his eyebrows. If the girlfriend was so horrible then why the hell was the man even proposing?

"She better. And keep the alcohol coming, okay? She's a bit…high strung." Code talk for she was either a cold bitch the man wanted her to loosen up a bit, or she wasn't putting out and the guy was in some serious need of sex. Alex smiled, not voicing his opinion of men who took advantage of drunk women. If the woman wanted more to drink he would bring it, but he wasn't helping some jackass get his girlfriend drunk so he could take advantage.

"Asshole," Alex muttered. He sighed, turned to the bartender and asked for a bottle of the house champagne. Mr. Proposal hadn't asked for the expensive stuff and Alex wasn't going to offer it up. He thanked the bar tender, placed the regulation white towel over his forearm, grasped the bottle around the neck, and snagged two flutes.

Finding the man was easy enough. It was hard to miss the shirt or his wild, curly hair. The girlfriend's back was to him, her pale blonde hair shining under the lights. The soft curls reminded him of Izzie's. His stomach tightens when the girlfriend turned her face slightly. Ah hell, it was Izzie. Alex gulped. Last night he touched her, kissed her, had almost given her, her first orgasm. Tonight he was about to assist in her marriage proposal. It left him with a sick feeling of loss and the urge to beat the shit out of the boyfriend. The guy didn't deserve Izzie. He had called her a bitch. He wanted Alex to get her drunk. He was no good.

"And here's our drinks," the boyfriend said in a falsely cheerful voice. Izzie fully looked over her shoulder. Her dark eyes widened, her full lips parted. Her face was a curious mix of surprise and fear. "Be careful drinking your's," he cautioned as Alex placed the drink in front of her, the ring bubbling in the bottom of the glass.

"Congratulations," Alex murmured.

"George," Izzie cried. Her face twisted into a mask of rage. Alex took a step back. He had seen her upset before, but never this angry. A red stain had crept into her pale cheeks, and he would have sworn there were tears streaming down her cheeks. He had no right to stand there, he should have walked off, his feet were glued to the floor though. "Don't do this," she whispered.

"Do what, Izzie? Ask the woman I love to marry me? We've been together for six years now. Six years. I have been pretty damn patient. I've even over looked that little fit you through the last time I asked you." George looked anything but patient. He looked annoyed, pissed even.

"We've talked about this before," Izzie said softly. The misery on her face was heart breaking. She shook her head. "I thought you understood why I wanted to wait. You said you understood."

"Yeah, because I thought eventually you would snap out of it!" George snapped. "I thought that you would at least…I don't know…stop being such a frigid bitch every time I try to touch."

"You know why I…" Izzie pressed her lips together, the tears streaming faster, heavier. She looked on the verge of breaking.

"What I know is that you've got to get passed whatever it is that is holding you back. If I was just some strange guy, I could understand why you freak out every time I kiss you, touch you…I'm not just some guy though! I'm George. I love you. I have loved you since high school. This isn't fair, Izzie. Not to me. And, whether you realize it or not, it isn't fair to you either."

Izzie stared at him, her face frozen in shock. She lifted her chin, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. "You know what George, you're right. This isn't fair." Alex felt as though someone had kicked him in the gut. She was going to say yes. She was going to say yes, then they would leave, find some hotel room and that asshole would have sex with her. "I should have done this a long time ago. I just…I think I got scared. I think I was scared that everyone would always see me as that geeky girl from Challis Heights trailer park and nobody else would want me."

"That isn't true, Iz," George said softly. "Don't you see yourself the way I do? The way everyone else does?" She shook her head, sending another kick to Alex's gut. He had known she had self esteem problems, that she put herself down a lot, he just hadn't known how deep it ran. "You're amazing. You're funny, smart. Beautiful. So, so beautiful. You always have been. You just have to…open your eyes Iz. You cannot go through life barely living."

Izzie's chin lifted another notch. "You're right. I haven't been living. I've just been….existing. And I'm tired of existing."

"Shifts over," Olivia whispered. Alex nodded. He hadn't known that. It didn't surprise him though. For all it's ritzy atmosphere, The Met wasn't known for consistency with their wait staff. Rotating out at certain times. Usually Alex didn't care. Tonight, he had no desire to leave. Not yet anyways.

"I want to live, and I think in order to do that," Izzie fished the ring from the glass. Alex muttered a curse. He would try to be happy for her, would still be her friend, but it wouldn't be easy. The funny part was, he didn't even know why it bothered him. "In order to do that, " she repeated, "I think we need to go our separate ways. I'm sorry George, but I can't marry you. Not now. Not ever. I hope we can still…"

"Be friends?" George asked. She nodded. "Well, yeah. We've always been that. Maybe that's all we were meant to be."

Alex blinked. She had said no. Izzie had handed the ring back. He bit his lips to keep from grinning. She had said no. He glanced down when Olivia hissed at him that his shift was over. Again. Right. That meant leave. He sighed, then made his way through the restaurant and slid through a door marked Employees Only. He ignored the others who were either leaving or coming on. His mind was elsewhere.

After changing into a pair of faded jeans and a dark gray t shirt, Alex exited out the back door. He halted near his car. Moonlight had turned her golden hair silver, and her skin into ivory. "You okay?"

She shrugged, then shook her head. "No." He stepped closer, laying a hand on her shoulder. "You know that party you mentioned last night?" He nodded. "I want to go. I want to go and I want to get drunk and forget all about…everything!"


	16. Chapter 16

-1There was no logical reason for the nervous tremor that was wracking through Meredith's body as she twisted her arms behind her back. She fumbled with the zipper of her black and red cherry print sundress, cursing when the strapless bodice slid down past her breasts. Keeping a hold on the zipper with two fingers, she used her other hand to drag the bodice back up. After ten minutes of twisting and turning, as well as several curse words, she was able to get the zipper up.

Letting out an exhausted sigh, Meredith let her arms drop to her sides. She turned to the left, tilting her head to the side as she examined her reflection. With the exception of the sides, her hair had been left down, a riot of honey colored waves. She hadn't done much with her make up, just some foundation, a bit of blush, some lip gloss and mascara.

"You look good," she told her reflection. It was the truth. She did look good. So why the hell was she so nervous? She couldn't come up with one good reason, other than it was her first official date with Mark. Which was a ridiculous reason to be scared. She had known him for years, had had sex with him, albeit blind folded sex. There was no reason to be scared.

She jumped when the doorbell peeled, announcing his early arrival. Mumbling several curses she struggled into her heeled sandals. She stumbled down the short hallway, tripping several times. By the time she made it to her front door her hair was in her face, the dress bodice had slipped down to expose the top of one breast, and a bruise was starting to form on her right knee. "Hi," she breathed when she opened the door. She blew several wisps of hair out of her face.

Mark took one look at her, then laughed. She scowled. "Oh come on, I don't mean anything by it," he chuckled, brushing her hair off her face. "You look beautiful. I promise." He snickered as he tugged the dress up.

"Yeah, well, good." Meredith took a step forward, stumbling once more on the heeled sandals. She should have chosen more sensible shoes. Shoes that did not have four inch heels on them. "Sorry," she muttered when she slammed into Mark's chest.

"Mmm, nothing to be sorry about," Mark murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You know, we could just here…"

"Uh oh. No way. You promised me romance and candle light." Meredith untangled herself from his embrace. She steadied herself, placing on hand on the door frame. "So you better pony up bucko."

"I don't remember anything about romance and candle light. As I recall, I said I was going to show you that we could work." He reached behind her and locked the door. She took a step forward, allowing for him to shut the flimsy piece of wood.

"Hello, what do you think the romance and candle light will be? Showing me. God, no wonder you can't keep a girl friend," Meredith shook her head. Carefully, she picked her way down the drive. She glanced over her shoulder, staring back at Mark. He still stood on her front porch, an odd look on his Adonis face. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. We're going to be just fine. I promise. I know we'll work through everything. You know why? Because we love each other and…" She stopped. She was rambling like so idiot. How embarrassing.

"Mere," Mark walked toward her, a soft breeze ruffling the red button down shirt he wore. "I don't want you to just be girlfriend."

She blinked, stunned. "You don't?" Crap. She had known this would happen. On some level she had known Mark would bail on her. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes. "We're still friends though, right?" Her lower lip was starting to trembling. Crap. She wanted to run, but damn it her stupid shoes wouldn't let her.

"No. I don't." She sucked in her breath, pain ripping through her heart. "I love you. I've never said that to any woman other than my mother. I've never wanted to. Which tells me this is the real deal. You are it for me, Meredith. You're…it. You're my everything. The last two weeks, watching you with Derek, it taught me that. I can't live my life without you in it. I'm not asking you for a month, I'm asking you for the rest of our lives."


	17. Chapter 17

-1Sweat drenched bodies ground against one another, while music that was too loud to understand blared from speakers that were nailed to the wall. Crude jokes and disgusting comments about women's body parts seemed to be the conversation of choice. If there was a non-alcoholic drink in the house, Izzie wasn't finding it. At first, she stuck with wine coolers. When those were gone, she tentatively went for something called Cowboy Kool-Aid. It was after her third glass of the Vodka, Kool-Aid, and fruit mixture that she decided it was time to leave. She couldn't really say why she wanted to leave, except maybe the jokes were getting annoying, the music giving her a head ache, and she was a tad bit pissed off that Alex had disappeared with some blonde haired, big boobed slut.

Stumbling through the crowd, she caught sight of a familiar blue shirt. Blinking several times, Izzie made her way in that direction, grimacing when she seen the blonde slut was still draped over his arm. What did he see in these girls? Other than big boobs and legs that fell open easily they had nothing going for them.

"Alex," Izzie tripped over the leg of someone who had passed out on the floor. She looked down, recognizing the curly haired girl as someone from her biology class. Cristina something or other. "I wanna go home."

"So go home," the blonde snickered. Clenching and unclenching her fists, Izzie fought the urge to smack the overly made up face of the woman before her. The violent urge was quickly replaced by a smug satisfaction when Alex said his good byes. She couldn't resist sticking her tongue out as they were leaving.

"How much did you drink?" Alex asked, his voice slightly slurred, when she had trouble walking in a straight line. She shrugged, and then asked him how much he had had. He burst out laughing, admitting that he couldn't remember. He had lost track after the second bottle of tequila. "Think you can get up the stairs?"

Izzie stared up at the steep, metal stair case that led up to Alex's efficiency apartment. She hadn't realized the party was this close to where he lived. It made sense though. He had often talked about being able to stumble home from parties. "I think so," she said slowly, placing one foot on the bottom stair. She gripped the rail with both hands, and then started a slow climb up the stairs, Alex crawling behind her.

"Keys," Alex muttered, patting first his front pockets, then his back. Izzie rolled her eyes, and then held up the set of keys Alex had given her at the start of the night. Squinting her eyes she fit the key in the lock, twisting it every which way until the door swung open, sending them both sprawling across the cream colored carpet.

"Get off," Izzie gasped. He grunted, and then rolled to the left. She pushed herself up on her elbows, stared over at him. Her body reacted to the lazy grin that spread across his face. A slow burn simmered in her lower abdomen and settled between her legs like a hot, wet thrill. He leaned closer, her heart started to pound. She licked her lips, anticipating the kiss. It never came. Instead, he leaned forward and slammed the door shut. Her mouth parted in a silent oh, she looked away, her face turning a faint shade of red.

"Iz," Alex said softly. His hand curved to the contour of her cheek, turning her head so that she was looking at him. He didn't say anything, just brushed his lips across her's. She returned the favor, the slow burning igniting into a flame. "I want you so bad," he murmured, his breath hot in her ear.

"Want you to," Izzie mumbled, pressing herself closer to him. Some where, in the back of her mind, a small voice was telling her to say no, to stop before lines were crossed. She blocked the voice out. She wanted to cross lines, especially if the lines included the delicious feelings that raced through her body.

The moment the words left her lips she felt him tugging the light weight shirt she had worn over her head. Eager to feel his skin against her's, she reached for the hem of his t shirt. He chuckled, beating her to the punch by pulling the shirt up and off, revealing tanned muscles that seemed to glow in the faint moonlight. She couldn't resist trailing her fingers down his washboard stomach, her hand hesitating at the waist band of his jeans. Taking a deep breath, she flicked the button undone and worked the zipper down, her knuckles grazing the hard length of his cock. A shiver ran down her spine. She didn't know if it was from fear, anticipation, or both. It was most likely both.

Izzie lift her lower body as Alex worked her jeans down her hips. It was in that moment that it hit her, what she was about to do. Her heart started to beat wildly and that small voice suddenly became a loud, vocal one screaming at her to stop. Her mouth opened, the words ready to be spoken. The words never made it past her lips. Instead, a soft moan echoed in the quiet apartment as Alex slid a finger in and out of her body. A small bubble started growing, expanding larger and larger as he stroked between her legs. She couldn't seem to control the gasping pants that came when the bubble burst.

"Don't stop," she protested when he moved away. There was a need for more. He couldn't leave her like this, her body crying out for release. She slowly opened her eyes, the fear starting to creep back in when she realized the reason he had moved away was to remove his jeans and boxer shorts. He wasn't going to stop. She tried not to panic when he settled between her legs. Panic really set in when she felt the head of his cock nudging into her wet slit. She started to squirm, until she realized the stretching sensation wasn't too bad. In fact, it felt amazing.

Needing more, she tried to press her lower body closer to his. It was a mistake. It brought his cock closer to her hymen. She let out a pained gasp when he tore through the thin skin. She doesn't linger on the pain though as there is another bubble building and she is more than ready for it to burst. As it popped another one replaced it, each one sending her closer to the edge.


	18. Chapter 18

-1Droplets of moisture slid down the iced bottle of beer that was loosely grasped in Derek's right hand. His face was turned in the general direction of the flat panel television that dominated the wall just across from the sofa, but his attention wasn't focused on the football game that played out on the plasma screen. His mind was too busy dwelling on how pathetic his life had become, and how he had nobody to blame but himself. He couldn't help but chuckle at the hilarity of his situation. The annoying peel of his doorbell cut the bitter laugh short.

Sighing, he set his beer on the floor, and then rose from the sofa. He wanted to ignore whoever was on the other side of his front door, but the nice guy in him wouldn't allow it. The doorbell peeled again just as he reached for the knob. "I'm coming," he growled under his breath.

"Derek, come on! Please. I know you're there."

His body goes cold. He knew that voice all to well. He braced himself, then opened the door to the last person he had expected to see. "What are you doing here?" The question was rude, and he instantly regretted it when he seen the tears forming in her blue eyes. "Sorry. That came out wrong."

"Are you sure?"

Derek nodded. Oddly enough, he meant it. He hadn't intended for his brooding mood to be taken out on someone else. Especially not the woman before him. He lifted an arm, ran his fingers through his dark hair. She stared at him, her liquid blue eyes pleading. "Addie, I'm sure."

She nodded, her glossy red hair swinging around her slumped shoulders. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Sure." Derek stepped back, allowing her to enter. It had been months since he had seen her, and the last time hadn't exactly left them on the best of terms. He had walked in on the woman before him and his father. He had known things were not right between his parents, but he hadn't thought his father so capable of deception. And with a woman Derek had called a friend.

"I'm sorry," Addison said softly. Tears trickled down her pale cheeks. He wanted to tell her that crying with him was futile but, other than Meredith, Addison was his weakness. There had always been this need to protect her. "I don't have any excuse and I know that saying I'm sorry isn't going to fix things between us, but I am sorry."

Derek slammed the door shut behind him. She was right. Apologies were not going to fix things. He would still have this mental image of his father and one of his best friends going at in his parents' bed. He would never be able to look at his father again. And, he had lost Meredith. He knew throwing the loss of Meredith into his pot of woes was pathetic of him, he just didn't care anymore. So much in his life had taken a wrong turn. "What do want Addison? Do you want me to forgive you? Fine. I forgive you for destroying my family." She flinched. Technically, his family wasn't destroyed. His mother was blissfully ignorant of her husband's infidelity, as were his sisters. He alone was left to bear the secret.

"I don't expect you to forgive me." Addison insisted. She wrapped her arms around her wait. "I don't know how it happened. I only went to see your parents because I was lonely. I was across the country from my family and…your parents were always so nice to me." Her words trembled as violently as her lips. "I don't know why I stayed that night. Usually I would only stay if your mom was around. Your dad he…" She paused, a sob catching in her throat. "It isn't like you think Derek. I didn't…" His blood goes cold. He doesn't want her to go on. He wanted to remain as ignorant as his mother. "He offered me a glass of wine. Then another, and another. I said I wasn't feeling good. He…he said I could lie down in the bedroom." No, his mind screamed. No, no, no. "I might have said yes…I might have…I just don't remember. I remember drinking, then lying down. Then, he on top of me…in me…and you were there…and…"

Derek closed his eyes. He didn't want to believe her. He wanted to call her a liar. Not his father. His father wouldn't do something so awful. Except, he believed her. Years ago, a student of his father had come forward making the same accusation. None of them had believed the girl. The esteemed Dr. Michael Shepherd would never do something so hideous to one of his students.

"I don't know what to do," Addison continued, her hands wringing before her. He frowned. "I've tried to forget about it…as best I could. Only now…I can't." She looked at him, her face chalk white. "I'm pregnant Derek."


	19. Chapter 19

-1Realization was slow in coming. It crept in just as the sun was rising. With each passing second, more of the night before came back. Whether it was the after effects of too much alcohol or the realization of what she had done, Izzie could feel herself growing physically ill. Bile rose in her throat, threatening to gag her.

She forced herself to relinquish the hold she had on the navy blue sheet that covered her nude body. Taking, slow, deep breaths she swung her legs over the side of the bed. She winced slightly at the raw, stinging sensation between her legs. If she hadn't know before, the soreness would have been a dead give away, as well as the traces of blood on her inner thighs.

Fighting back tears, Izzie stumbled into the small bathroom. Her fingers trembled as they turned the shower on. She didn't bother to wait for the water to warm up, she simply stepped under the pulsing spray, needing to wash away the memory of her biggest mistake. While the water washed away all physical evidence, it did nothing for the images in her head. Like a movie playing on a screen, flashes of Alex kissing her, taking her clothes off, and finally the two of the having sex danced before her. She hated herself. Hated that she had let things get so carried away. Hated that even now, she wanted to feel his hands upon her body once more.

:Letting out a strangled sob, Izzie turned off the shower and tripped out of the tub. She glanced around, needing something to cover her body. She grabbed up a t shirt that was on top of the small pile in the corner and slid it over her head. It smelled of cologne and something that was distinctly Alex. She couldn't help sobbing harder. It wasn't for her lost innocence, but for their friendship. She knew what happened once Alex slept with a girl. He was done. He got what he wanted and he was done. He had become such a large part of her life that she couldn't imagine what it would be like without him.

As quickly as the tears started they stopped. There was always the chance that he didn't remember. He had been drunk, even more so that she herself had been. She took a deep breath, composing herself before she tip toed over to where her clothing lay. She chanced a look in the direction of the king size bed. He still lay on his stomach, a soft snore coming from his slightly parted lips. In the morning sunlight his skin looked to be coated in gold. She allowed herself a second of wandering what it would feel like before tugging on her jeans.

"Last night was a mistake," she whispered. A mistake that couldn't, and wouldn't, happen again. She tugged Alex's shirt over her head, replacing it with her bra and the shirt she had worn the night before. No sooner had she smoothed the hem down, Alex let out a groan, pushing himself into a sitting position. "Hi," she said hesitantly, her heart beating a wild pulse. He stared at her in confusion.

"What happened last night?" He moaned, cupping his head in both hands. He didn't remember. Her heart sunk. The most important night of her life and he didn't remember. She wanted to be angry, except this was exactly what she wanted. Him to not remember.

"Nothing" Izzie lied. "We went to the party." She eyed him, looking for some sort of reaction.

"Oh. Yeah. That's right. Melissa. I didn't bring her back here did I?" His words were mumbled almost in cohesive. "No. Wait. Slept with her in Richard's room. No reason to bring back."

Izzie choked on the bile that was once again starting to rise in her throat. Oh God. He had slept with the blonde slut before having sex with her. Her eyes wildly scan the room looking for a used condom. Nothing. No. No. No. "I…I have to go," she squeaked. Oh God. She had to get out of there. If she didn't she would lose it.

"Yeah. Sure. You need a ride?" She shook her head. She would catch a bus or call a cab. She just needed to get away from him before she did something stupid. Like tell him about him taking her virginity or screaming at him for being so disgusting as to have sex with two women in one night. Unprotected sex. Oh God. What if he had given her something? Tears burned her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a little hung over. I'll call you later or something." She didn't wait for him to respond, she slammed out of the apartment. As she hurried down the stairs she told herself that everything would be okay. One slip didn't mean anything. And it really was better that Alex didn't' remember. They could still be friends this way. And, better yet, she could pretend that last night hadn't happened.


	20. Chapter 20

-1Forever.

The word had never held much meaning for Meredith. It was…just a word. A figure of speech concerning time. Now, it seemed to have taken up residence in her mind. Correction, Mark's voice saying the word forever had taken up residence in her mind. Over and over, like a broken record, she heard him saying Forever. What the hell did it mean?

"Stop dwelling on it," Meredith ordered. The cat looked at her as though she had lost her mind. Maybe she had. Maybe staying up all night, dwelling on what Mark had meant when he said forever, had caused something in her to snap, making her as fruity as the cereal she was trying to eat.

"Will you stop staring at me," she snapped when the cat continued to eye her. She rolled her eyes, and then spooned up a bit of Fruity Pebbles and pink tinted milk. "I'm allowed to freak out just a little on this. One date and he is talking forever. That's not normal is it?" The only answer she got was a soft meow and a twitching tail. What did she expect, talking to a cat and expecting answers? Ha. She had lost it. "You are no help." She spooned in another bite, chewing vigorously. She knew that she was being ridiculous, that she was really losing it. She couldn't help it though. Mark had said Forever and then hadn't elaborated. Was he talking about committing to Forever right now? Did he mean that eventually he wanted Forever? Did she even want him to want Forever?

Fear twisted in her gut at the thought of a Forever that didn't have Mark. That answered her question. She needed a Forever that included Mark. He was a part of her. She pushed the bowl of cereal away, reaching for her cell phone. She pressed speed dial, and then waited.

"Hello," his husky voice mumbled on the other end of the line. A grin spread across her face. She could get use to hearing that voice every morning.

"Good morning," she chirped. He muttered something about her being a bit to cheery first thing in the morning. "If I am, it's because of you."

"Me? What do I have to do with you acting like a canary of crack?" Mark snarled. She fought back a laugh. She had forgotten that he wasn't a morning person. Fine. She was. They balanced each other out.

"I want it to. I want forever." There was silence on the other end. "Mark? Are you there? Did you hear me? I want forever too!" She gasped when he hung up. Her mouth hung open. He. Had. Hung. Up. On. Her. "Asshole. See if I put myself out there again," she sneered, grabbing up the almost empty bowl of cereal. She dumped it out in the sink, rinsing the bowl out before placing it in the dishwasher.

Still scowling, Meredith stormed into her bedroom. She stripped out of her frog printed pajamas and yanked on a pair of denim shorts and a white t shirt. The lawn needed mowed. She would take her anger out on the lawn. Pretend it was Mark's face.

"Oh, now what!" She sighed when she heard a pounding knock on her door. With the way her luck was running it would the I.R.S. serving her up with an audit. She let out a strangled gasp when she opened the door. Strong arms fold around her, and firm lips capture her's. She shoved her palms against a muscular chest, wrenching her mouth free. "You hang up on me and then come over to make out?" And the cat thought she was crazy.

"You want forever," Mark grinned, squeezing her tighter. She let out a small squeak. "Sorry." he stepped back, brushing her hair out of her face. "I love you. Feels good to be able to say that, know what I mean?" She nodded. She did know what he meant. She loved the way 'I love you Mark' rolled off her tongue. "I want to say that to you every morning. I want to wake up to your annoying cheerfulness. I want to…" he took a deep breath "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Good. Cause I want to spend mine with you." Meredith teased back. "Guess that means we should get married, huh?" She was half joking, half serious.

"Yeah, I guess it does," Mark answered, his mouth diving down to capture her's once more. The kiss felt like home. It felt like…forever.


	21. Chapter 21

-1The churning in Derek's stomach was the result of a sleepless night and the unsettling knowing that his father was a monster. It was a scary to thing to realize, that the blood of a monster ran through his veins. He gulped down the lump that was forming in his throat. What if blood was telling? What if he became his father's son?

"You're not him."

Derek jerked his head up. Addison stood in the doorway that led into his guest room. The burgundy cotton t shirt and black boxer shorts seemed a contradiction to the well put together woman he had known since he was eighteen. Since day one she had known what he was thinking, could finish his sentences. "I could be."

"No. I don't believe that. And I think, deep down, you don't either." She inched out of the doorway, one hand resting on her lower abdomen. A greenish tint marred her pretty face. "I'm fine," she said softly when she noticed his concerned look. "You know me, I'll bounce back."

"You shouldn't have to bounce back. You shouldn't have anything to bounce back from." Derek couldn't look at her. Looking at her served as a reminder of how evil his father was. The thing that killed him the most wasn't what his father had done, it was knowing that he had introduced Addison to his parents. He had told her if she needed anything or just needed 'family' to go see his. He had placed her in the position for this to happen.

"It isn't your fault."

"Stop doing that," Derek snapped. Baby blue eyes blink, then well up. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He scooted to the edge of his chair, reaching for her hand. "This isn't your fault either."

"Maybe. Maybe not. We both know I'm not the most moral of people." Addison twined her fingers through his. In college she had been on the wild side. Drinking, one night stands, even toying with drugs. That had been then. She wasn't that person now, and hadn't been in a long time. Derek had little doubt that she was the victim and his father the monster. "What am I going to do? I can't go home. We know how my parents are. It isn't going to matter how it happened or why. They're not going to listen to anything I say. This will just be another embarrassing Addison moment to them."

"Then don't tell them," Derek said. He scooted off the chair and onto the couch, his leg touching her's. He pulled her into his arms, holding her the way he would his youngest sister. "You don't need them. You have me." Her body started to tremble, he could feel tears soaking through the thin material of his green checked button down shirt. "You have me, and we are going to get through this."

_**Stayed tuned for the sequel More Than Friends? **_


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